My dream died, and now I'm here
Sabine Hossenfelder recounts her journey from aspiring physicist to YouTube creator, detailing the disillusionment she faced in academia. Initially inspired by the intellectual lives of scientists, she entered university expecting a vibrant community of thinkers but found herself navigating a system driven by money and grants rather than knowledge discovery. Despite excelling academically, she faced gender-based discrimination, receiving a scholarship instead of a job, which left her without benefits and marginalized at her institute. The pressure to produce papers for grants, coupled with a toxic work environment and the personal toll of constant relocation, led to mental health struggles and a "murder commute" between countries. Ultimately, the speaker pivoted to YouTube after failing to secure funding for her preferred research, finding a fulfilling, honest platform to share her passion for science with a like-minded community, though she acknowledges her experience with academia’s flaws is not universal.