https://t.co/yVFFYuDYs5

Me: *whistling at urinal* *Guy enters* Me: *whistling “Don’t Stand So Close to Me” by The Police so he’ll subliminally pick a urinal further away* Guy: *to same tune* I want my MTV!!! 😫 *stepping closer* great song 🙂 *closer* love da chili peppers👁👄👁 *peeing in my urinal*

accidentally causing the next high-profile mass murder event by showing a death grips fan a piece of paper with like six numbers on it

Starting drivers for the 2022 @Bathurst12hour: #74 @KelvinvdLinde #777 @m_winkelhock #9 @LeeHoldsworth #17 @NickPercat #24 @cameron_waters #47 @Dave_Russell_22 #65 @chazmozzie #PerformanceIsAnAttitude #GT3 #B12hr https://t.co/jRwgiQ3dUx

It’s a real shame to be missing the @Bathurst12hour this year 🥺 First #B12hr I’ve missed since 2014… It holds a very special place in my heart & hope to be back on home soil in a @PorscheRaces car again next year 💛 Good luck to @GroveRacing! #TeamPorsche https://t.co/AtzMUvfYad

@NeoYokel No

me waking up in the morning https://t.co/6HUmTVLZIq

downloading dating apps to people watch because i live in a quiet neighborhood so there's nothin to look at, besides the absolutely beautiful street, tiger lilies and newly planted trees as well as beautiful homes

im on drugs and in sooo much pain reply to this with images that have my energy

make You squart

i'm destined to be mediocre at every single video game and i'm totally okay with that

never realized how bad i needed a car with 4 doors until i got an extended cab pickup

Spent the day talking to Twitter employees. No one knows why the CEO fired two of his top two lieutenants, and lots of people are uneasy about what’s coming next https://t.co/H7lLAoKC3h https://t.co/xi3Y4LcTmz

The truth is that this isn’t how and when I imagined leaving Twitter, and this wasn’t my decision. Parag asked me to leave after letting me know that he wants to take the team in a different direction.

@NeoYokel I meant to say enterprise-focused sites, not user blogs Example https://t.co/KZIuVWVBSP

https://t.co/1R6uc2jVzr

205 shortcuts 10s of thousands of actions 6 Automation April Shortcuts Contest winners Soon. https://t.co/Fqi6bDZcDE

Gumby the Movie

A loving God would have delivered me from Windows long ago

Apple trying to promote some weird app. Not necessary. To write a debut novel all you have to do is imagine yourself sitting on a Hawaiian beach reading a really good book. Then just transcribe the book that you’re imagining onto your computer https://t.co/hSm9fFUe1G

when i tell you transformers is humanity's greatest achievement i am not lying https://t.co/zHDWGUrfM1

@NeoYokel rip nixiebot

Here in America we take every precaution to protect your safety https://t.co/kMPJ3NYqOk

This CGI is insane... https://t.co/ldErBsoKGs

guerilla gardening #420

not to brag, but i saw a baby fox on my walk today 🥹

https://t.co/xtAJ8d1sLd

Thanks @MiamiNewTimes 💗 https://t.co/WmgNpU9W68

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

the nhl isn’t doing a good enough job catering to casual fans like me. i happen to believe that sticks should basically be guitars with the stick part at the end, so when players don’t have the puck they can play a song. but honestly i don’t think they even care about what i want