tonight is just me and lex sharing stories it’s a good night on Twitter

my boss at Home Depot was an ex marine who was like 5”2 and had an m4 tattoo on his arm and slicked his hair with puddle water and said he killed guys

i used to live near the biggest fife and drum muster in I think the entire us. I guess I could say I like dungeon synth now cause every year I’d just hear loud piping through the trees for days. that shit sounded awful

this one time I was hanging out in the woods and the town selectman just showed up. just walked out through the trees. And he was like “hey Sam you like music. Have you heard that song that goes ‘everybody needs a bosom for a pillow’” and then he just kept singing the whole song

one other time my Uber driver was this wizard looking guy who was like “yeah I knew the guy from uh. that band Woozy.” and he meant weezer. And I was like “no you didn’t” and he was like “yeah I did he was in a hair metal band” and he showed me the pictures

one time I got into an Uber and my driver was a butch woman with the bright pink spikey hair and shit. and “you give love a bad name” came on the radio and she was like “do you mind if I sing along” and she turned it up all the way and rolled the windows down and shjit

⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲ ⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲   ⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲ ⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲   ⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲　⚲⚲⚲    ⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲ ⚲⚲⚲ ⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲　 ⚲ ⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲　⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲　  ⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲⚲　⚲⚲⚲⚲　⚲  ⚲⚲⚲⚲  ⚲⚲ ⚲⚲⚲⚲

twitter did some weird shit so click this link and hail satan I guess: https://t.co/fRbwxyXdYN https://t.co/fRbwxyXdYN https://t.co/xUPro17pyI

wait... they got VIDEO games now??

THE LOATHSOME WEAKLING

Empty Train Station https://t.co/zGvLPY46R8

First, join me in celebrating having more subs than Jeff on YouTube. Second, subscribe because Jeff is awesome and frankly deserves all the success in the world. Looking forward to this 😁 https://t.co/Yk6BmnLPEu

Hoping the next drinking game has @REALMizkif and @raycondones 🙏🏽

@NeoYokel no worries, I understand the overall stress, and happy to hear any feedback you've got if/when it's time.

@NeoYokel ?

msdos_BBDRAFT_shareware https://t.co/XuAQrqHGme

nope doesn’t work not possible 🙅🏾‍♂️ https://t.co/qonmTqMtRO

Men really like uUhh Men really like

PUT THIS PHILOSOPHY IN MY TRACKS.

went to get a coffee & saw this @friendshapedcar https://t.co/lgBW5ddzqm

Join me in my Space! https://t.co/vpeZwu5ieR

wait can you dj in twitter spaces

@NeoYokel I think I installed something like that before but it went unused, I am not organized enough with my tabs to actually populate bookmarks and then CLOSE TABS.

I'm a power user 1337 h4xx0rzzz !!1!1!1!1one!!1!eleven!1!1! https://t.co/CezLsNSfAM

maybe I should close some of these though

GAMERS ARE THE GOVERNMENT https://t.co/01Kma0ontT

can u guys see this

How much do horses generally cost? I feel like buying one for someone would have limited appeal. Lots of accessories and upkeep needed. Not everyone has room for one in their apartment. Seems like a weird gift idea.

Continuing to exist as a bit

i just enabled predictive text for the first time and now i will only make predictively typed tweets from now on