Substrate

It’s okay to return to my baseline. It’s okay for my day to only contain eating, working, reading, and sleep, even if I want thirty other things, too

It’s weird, it’s fucking weird, it’s tragic, and don’t let anyone make you feel weird for thinking it is.

(Did you know you could play video games in the morning before work? I certainly didn’t. But you can.) I still struggle with instinct, the motivation to do the most, the feeling that I’m not a good reader if I’m not cycling through new books every few days. I want to keep slowing down, and keep giving words the time they deserve.

but because she’d gladly fill me in on all the new things she’s loving and not let me leave her apartment until I’ve tried them all. ​ and then promptly forget to drink it for an hour

Even as I grew out of midday naps, I had to find creative ways to stay up reading past my bedtime. ​ As a young bookworm, almost nothing could stop me from reading when I was supposed to be doing anything else, sleeping included.

I was — and still am — that girl. I am the girl who can’t stand in line for coffee without repeating my order to myself in my head, over and over, until I’m finally at the cash register. I am the girl who sometimes takes too long to respond to texts, DMs and emails because I am drafting out a decent reply. I am the girl who teachers consistently push to “participate more” because I don’t raise my hand enough in class. I am the girl who struggles in conversations with people I haven’t met before — and even those I have. I may be the quiet girl, but I have plenty to say. Just let me gather my thoughts first.