Substrate

And social media is playing a role, allowing them to distantly observe people they once truly felt connected to, which opens up the gap between their wishes for those friendships and the more anemic reality ​ our lives are not as easily separated into pots that can be placed on separate burners. Extinguishing friendship has consequences for every other aspect of life. ​ As anyone who’s taken time out of the workforce to be a full-time caregiver knows, it’s not always easy to switch a burner back on after it’s been extinguished for a long time. ​ We’re more interested in resilience. You can’t stay truly connected without some level of misunderstanding or conflict, so the real Big Friendship goal is just to stay in it. Instead of pretending we won’t be challenged, we want the ability to bounce back and heal our inevitable wounds. ​ “Friendships don’t have the hallmarks,” Langan says. “They don’t have the milestones.” So it’s up to the people in the friendship to create them. ​ Langan says that another key to staying attached is to find verbal and nonverbal ways to tell each other you plan to be there in the future. ​ Usually the only way through it is to acknowledge it’s happening. And yes, it’s hard. ​ No one human can meet your every single emotional need.