The un-reality of our present is really a consequence of the exponential multiplication of realities. In the not-so-distant past, most of our societal constructs — political bodies, media entities, and the like — helped shape our collective reality, which is an extremely important thing for a society to have if it is to work in a linear fashion.
…the physical world can accommodate emptiness and silence, or at least acknowledge them; online, those voids are just filled by other people’s content, and thus vanish instantly.
I still believe Balaji is frighteningly intelligent, but I would vastly prefer that he use those powers for good than, well, whatever this is. They do not sit around thinking about how they’re going to “get” people they write about, and when subjects think they do, it’s more a reflection of the subject’s self-perception (or self-importance) and, sometimes, a sprinkling of unadulterated narcissism. But mostly, I want them to be more rigorous: to acknowledge that ideas are meaningless in a vacuum that does not include real world material conditions, and that people pursuing innovation are not the only people who matter, or even the people who matter most. There is a huge swath of the tech industry whose only experience of real world inequality is tiptoeing around homeless people on the way to work. And it’s easy for them to continue to live in that bubble and entertain the delusion that absolutist ideas — both good and bad — can be implemented when they can’t. This interprets journalism as public relations, which it is not. Journalists are not supposed to cheerlead the industry; they’re supposed to cover it, and that means writing the good things and the bad with no overriding preference for one over the other. And everyone is an unreliable narrator when they articulate their own experiences.
I’m experimenting with the idea of giving a monthly update of how I’m doing and what I’m up to. Let’s see if it sticks! And if it doesn’t, then at least you’ve got a snapshot of January 2021. I worry that I do not have the writing skills to convey what I want to convey to a potentially infinite audience. When I speak candidly, I also want to be empathetic and fair. I’m confident I can do that when speaking to individuals because I can adjust to the audience – is this a friend from college? A student looking for advice? Another woman leader in tech who knows? What parts do I need to explain carefully, what parts can I wave off with shorthand language? It’s simpler in small groups. and how sometimes it’s not that they’re being a jerk to me, or vice versa; but we’re operating under different value systems. I’m thinking a lot about something my friend called “toxic positivity,” similar to ruinous empathy – an environment where if one tries to have difficult conversations, it’s viewed as being a bad actor. Conversations around e.g. a strategy not working, someone not having the right skillset for the task at hand, or needing to let people go, etc. being viewed as being vicious, rather than something necessary (and to be done with empathy and care). How unintentional toxicity can come from a person simply being in the wrong role, even when their intentions are pure.
Space and Place is only about 200 pages of thoughtful prose, but I’ve never finished it; I read a paragraph at a time, and that fills up my brain. and if it was a big day in bonds the fourth floor would be loud, loud; the fifth floor, though, focused on shorter-term investments, would be almost silent. You could hear the economy.
The distinction between reassurance and resonance.
Reassurance and advice-giving aren’t understanding, they are distraction. They are soothing. They are avoidance. They are pats on the hands that say, “this too shall pass” without having actually acknowledged the thing that is supposedly going to pass.
I’ve begun to instead deeply worry about the power of inertia in our lives. Put simply, I think people are not nearly as intentional as they should be with their lives and how they make decisions. The decisions people make in the short-term and understanding long-term implications, and everything in between increasingly just happen. And we let them. I think the ages of 28-32 really is when inertia starts to take hold strongest. You no longer think you are totally flying blind in life, you are increasingly a little more tired than normal, and the path of least resistance can seem nice after having life beat you down to varying degrees. How much can I or should I attempt to impact or change those close to me and their lives?
This particular shapeness of twitter mostly pushed me off of it some time ago and whenever I return it always feels like I’m the wrong shape. I don’t really know what to do there anymore; I can’t capture my voice, my dumb jokes, my weirdness in a way that’s satisfying to me. But, right here on this very website I somehow can. Reminds me of how Ryan used to note how odd it is that dating apps. box us all into the same shape, seemingly for the same “legibility” a timeline can afford.
…the current process de jour does not — despite how many big companies subscribe to it — lead to the best, most innovative products. The actual answer is in prototypes and frequent demos. Those takes always seem to end up as some kind of scaffolding for a pissing contest, an attempt to denigrate someone else’s line of work.
This past week, when I wrote my latest newsletter, the rut had been filled, and the words flowed out of me like the days that taught me how to love writing. There’s that Rilke quote, “if your everyday life seems poor, don’t blame it; blame yourself; admit to yourself that you are not enough of a poet to call forth its riches.” When I read it recently, it felt accusatory, but with time, I realized that I’d lost some sense of curiosity, the wow-have-you-seen-this-shit-this-is-so-cool lens that fuels all good art.
Hi. I’m pinging you to see if you respond in a somewhat realtime fashion. […] If you respond fairly quickly, then I’ll respond with my question so we can kick off this little session.
The general rule seems to be this: the more abstract we make an event – that is, the more we see it in terms of its meaning to the mind, rather than how it feels to the senses – the greater the psychological pain that is created. The more we can zoom into the direct experience, and refrain from engaging with the story around it, the less of a pain in the ass it is.
The lesson is simple: We must resist being too clever. Every programmer, or investor, or gardener, or urban planner, etc, must learn this lesson eventually, or else be bit in the bum by hounds of their own making. When complex systems work, they work. But when complex systems fail they fail in complex ways. Often we cannot even spot our disasters until long after we’ve boasted of success. I feel a few weeks ago as if I have had half a thought, and now I sit here waiting for the other half to arrive to me.
I don’t know what this next year has in store – none of us do anymore. But, in the meantime, I’m going to continue to pack in as much as I can before my thirties are up.
Think of this sort of thing as a journal entry you get to read, a taste of what you might get if you phoned me up and let me blather for an hour or so.
Why “looking on the bright side” isn’t great advice - and what to do instead.
Here's the blog post: https://www.pamelajhobart.com/blog/dont-look-on-the-bright-side
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This thread is about mental health. A decade ago, I was overwhelmed by panic and depression. On the surface, I seemed fine. Inside, I was a bunch of bandaids. I want to share what I've learned about mental health (from a patient's perspective) in case it helps others. What makes us unique as a species -- our remarkable memory and tremendous imagination -- is also the root cause of most of life's suffering. A worm doesn't have a traumatic memory of being stepped on yesterday. It also doesn't anxiously think about if it will get stepped on tomorrow. But we don't have worm brains. We tend to think about the past and the future. A lot. And we suffer because of it. Consider the military veteran with PTSD that is haunted by memories of war. Or the sexual assault victim that is overwhelmed by fearful thoughts of if the perpetrator will come back in the future. Our memory and our imagination can work against us. It often does. Put succinctly, thinking in the past is depression. Thinking in the future is anxiety. And thinking in the present is peace. Our aim is to have a present mind as much as possible. With a present mind, we exonerate ourselves from most of life's suffering. There are a few things that can exacerbate our suffering. (1) Trauma (2) Separation from others (3) Separation from Nature It's more about how we're living and less about a chemical imbalance, which is an outdated and simplistic understanding of mental health. Trauma is the main cause. Trauma gets stored in the "feeling" part of the brain, manifesting physically (changes to brain componentry), manifesting cognitively (recurring negative thinking), and manifesting behaviorally (recurring self-destructive patterns). Reducing trauma-based suffering requires a comprehensive treatment protocol that addresses biology, cognition, and behavior. A combination of multiple treatment modalities is most useful versus any single modality. Treatment happens in three stages: (1) Symptom Control (2) Awareness (3) Transcendence There are overlaps in these stages so it's not as clear cut as this. But it's helpful to frame it in this way. Symptom Control is about getting acute symptoms (e.g. panic attacks or suicidal ideation) under control. With the symptoms reduced, you're more capable of investing in other treatment modalities. For example, it's hard to engage in talk therapy during a panic attack. Medication can be very useful for acute Symptom Control. I used medication for 4 years so that I could better engage in other forms of treatment. But medication does not address the root cause of trauma, which is essential for a deeper sense of recovery. Exercise can also temporarily reduce acute Symptoms. In my case, I ran ultra marathons. I needed to run 50 miles a week to burn off panic attacks. But that isn't sustainable. My joints started to reject the volume of running. Again, the root cause must eventually be addressed. Other treatments for Symptom Control can include consistent sleep, a healthy diet, yoga, companionship, time in Nature, and meditation (or another form of spiritual practice). Your depression is not a glitch in your brain. It's a signal that something in your life must change. The Awareness stage is about digging into the source of trauma to understand the various ways it is manifested in your biology, cognition, and behaviors. Developing Awareness also acts as a symptom reducer so it builds on top of the other Symptom Control mechanisms. Awareness can take many forms. Studying medical literature to learn about what's happening to your body and brain. Talking to others and discussing shared experiences. Revisiting prior traumas and understanding how they've influenced your current behaviors. All are beneficial. Meditation + Psychedelics + Cognitive Behavioral Therapy are the three legs of the Awareness stool. All three work to peel back the layers of the trauma-storing mind to arrive at epiphanies regarding how past trauma has shaped your present condition. Transcendence is about awakening beyond your history and your life situation to find freedom from suffering. This is when new patterns of behavior become adopted in light of everything you've learned at the Awareness stage, creating a path to your new sense of Self. It's essential to eventually move on from the Awareness stage b/c one can identify themselves too closely with their trauma, thereby binding their sense of Self to their trauma e.g. "I was assaulted by a parent therefore I'll never be capable of trust in a romantic relationship." The Transcendence phase can be enhanced with more meditation (or other spiritual practices), psychedelics (when administered appropriately), and the mindful practice of adopting new patterns of behavior that condition self-love versus self-sabotage. A simple tool one can use daily during the Transcendence phase: when confronted with a life decision, ask the question: "What is the path towards love for myself or love for others?" If you choose the path towards love, you'll remain on the path towards Transcendence. Altogether, treatment takes time and dedication. It took me 4 years to get through the Symptom Control stage such that I no longer needed medication. I built Awareness over 6-7 years. And, finally, 10 years into my journey, I began the Transcendence phase. The Transcendence phase will last for the remainder of your life. It's a wonderful pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It's worth committing to the work needed to return to a calm, peaceful mind. To those that are suffering, things can get better when you make changes to how you live. - Find your tribe. Connect with others. - Return to nature. Go outside. Get dirty. - Do purposeful work. Don't be a drone. - Be active. Eat clean. - Practice mindfulness. Tame your mind. I fear that many of you are quietly living painfully inside, hiding the pain by burying yourself in the pursuit of achievement, which is the only socially acceptable addiction, especially in our industry. I can say this from experience. I'm here to talk. My DMs are open.
I want to make the body into sky. – Anish Kapoor, on his sculpture Marsyas (2002), Turbine Hall, Tate Modern No, I can’t imagine it–– I, the taut tongue in an unsheltered mouth dizzy with the earth as it turnsand turns. At least let me be skin. Something beneath skin.
But seeing the shape of your ideas is not the same as having new ideas, and in fact — as with the ossification of keywords — creating a too-comprehensive portrait of your own thoughts can amount to locking yourself into a labyrinth of your own preconceptions. Instead my notes were beginning to depress me. They were a visible testament of fruitless effort. To my horror, it turned out to be a chaotic mess that would never have passed muster under my own dissertation director. It read, in my opinion, like something written by a sentient library catalog, full of disordered and tangential insights, loosely related to one another — very interesting, but hardly a model for my own academic work. but I had to admit that once again my attempts to disrupt thinking with a technology of note-taking had only resulted in an enormous, useless accumulation of busywork. I finally had to acknowledge that something had been wrong about the advice I received so many years before: a scholar’s notes were not a life’s work, but only a tool.
You could imagine a world where cartography never incorporated drawings of territories, and instead relied solely on written descriptions of land. “To the west is a mountainous range, with several large rivers emptying to a gulf in the south.” In such a world, there would no doubt be practised experts, capable of envisioning in their minds the described area. But these written maps would clearly suffer from a lack of depictions.
