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Where Self-Esteem Comes From
Where Self-Esteem Comes From
That thought — Do I like who I am while I’m doing this? — has visited me a few times a year ever since, and I’m finally seeing how crucial a question it is. ​ Years can pass before you notice something’s wrong ​ This deficit only intensifies the need for comfort and gratification, and you gravitate towards more of it, when what you really need is more of the alternative. ​ We all have those moments where we feel like we’ve gotten away from our best selves. We might not know what’s gone wrong, but it’s clear something’s gone off, and we know we have to step back and reassess what’s important. ​ Self-esteem seems inextricably linked to the specific feelings of identity we get from the activities that make up our days. ​ Often, the healthy, fulfilling things we’ve drifted away from are things whose significance probably wouldn’t occur to us, until we start doing them again and see how much they contributed to our well-being ​ Compared to admonishing yourself to smarten up or try harder, this is like navigating life with a map and compass, rather than simply moving toward whatever terrain looks most inviting from where you are.
·raptitude.com·
Where Self-Esteem Comes From
Sizing engineering teams.
Sizing engineering teams.
Managers should support 6-8 engineers. ​ Tech Lead Managers (TLMs). Managers supporting less than four engineers tend to function as TLMs, taking on a share of design and implementation work. For some folks this role can uniquely leverage their strengths, but it's a role with limited career opportunities. To progress as a manager, they'll want more time to focus developing their management skills. Alternatively to progress towards staff engineering roles, they'll find it difficult to spend enough time in the technical details. ​ Most folks find being oncall for components they're unfamiliar with to be disproportionately stressful. ​ An important property of teams is that they abstract the complexities of the individuals that compose them. ​ and avoid creating a two-tiered class system of innovators and maintainers.
·lethain.com·
Sizing engineering teams.
On being an Engineering Manager
On being an Engineering Manager
As I do less development, I am thinking more as stakeholder and less as an engineer. ​ I also pay special attention to more introvert people and encourage them to share their opinion on the subject. ​ I am a believer that a great manager is the one that, if absent, no one will notice, because they have created such an environment where everyone can do a great job without being blocked by them. ​ I now tend to be careful when I ask something, by making sure the person understands the why.
·ruiper.es·
On being an Engineering Manager
#1167: “Tips for staying positive when your body hates you.”
#1167: “Tips for staying positive when your body hates you.”
Give yourself permission to feel your feelings, even if they are crappy. Feeling less than positive and then beating yourself up for not being positive enough helps nobody. ​ Accept the gifts, you’re not a drain on anybody, you’re not failing at anything, you’re just sick right now, there are people who love you and value you who are rooting for you to get better and who will gladly take up the work of helping you do that if it means they get more “you” in the world, not just You, The Great Scholar, With So Much Potential but the present Januaryish you who is in a shitty mood, feeling pessimistic about credit scores and summer jobs. Let the people in your life give you what they can, stop telling yourself you don’t deserve it. When you can, you will pay it forward. Right now, eat the love sandwich. ​ Another step: Practice turning “I’m sorry” into “Thank you” as much as you can. “I’m so sorry I’m behind on this conference paper draft” = “Thank you for reading my draft.” “I’m so sorry this is costing you a fortune” = “Thank you for the help.” “I’m so sorry I’m falling behind in my dissertation” = “Thank you for giving me permission to take the time to heal.”
·captainawkward.com·
#1167: “Tips for staying positive when your body hates you.”
Swift Generics Evolution - don’t panic
Swift Generics Evolution - don’t panic
it’s reassuring to know that the folks driving changes in Swift have a solid background in language design, and that they’re thinking about all manner of hard problems in order to make our lives easier. However, it makes me worry that people might be missing out on a truly exciting conversation about what might be coming in a future Swift version. The reason for the label “reverse generics” is that the flow of information is backwards from the existing system. Where right now, the caller binds generic types as it calls a function, the proposal would have the function itself bind the return types and pass concrete values back out.
·timekl.com·
Swift Generics Evolution - don’t panic
The Last Taboo (by Toby Schachman)
The Last Taboo (by Toby Schachman)
Laziness is the taboo of our generation. I hope future cultures will look back and see that we were obsessed with working all the time. Anyone who wasn’t working enough felt ashamed. Be more productive! Your worth as a person is only as good as your job title / how much money you make / however you fit in to the production-consumption system. ​ If you think this would be a better way for all of us to live, I think the key to realizing it is finding an alternative value system other than identifying our human worth based on the work we do. This is difficult. Most people have no idea how to understand their place in the world except in relation to their job. Who am I? I’m a role at institution.
·gist.github.com·
The Last Taboo (by Toby Schachman)
AirPods Are a Tragedy
AirPods Are a Tragedy
Being willing to ignore the weird appearance of AirPods makes a statement: if you’re okay with overlooking how strange-looking they are, then you must be somewhat proud to be wearing them. ​ Commodities like AirPods are social products. AirPods display the social message of wealth because AirPods derive their value from the invisible, social chain of production that’s necessary to make them in the first place. Thus, AirPods strategically glue together an ecosystem of luxury products. They are only so “convenient” because, by eliminating the headphone jack, Apple made the iPhone less user-friendly. ​ AirPods are disposable products that are also impossible to throw away. ​ On a global scale, our economic system is predicated on a disregard for longevity, because it’s more profitable for companies to make products that die than it is to make products that last. ​ They’re physical manifestations of a global economic system that allows some people to buy and easily lose $160 headphones, and leaves other people at risk of death to produce those products. If AirPods are anything, they’re future fossils of capitalism.
·vice.com·
AirPods Are a Tragedy
Some kind of prologue
Some kind of prologue
I like structure. This is probably an understatement. I love overarching themes, identifying and creating patterns. I look for narratives. I want to know how each piece fits into an arc, has meaning and significance. I use a lot of anaphora in my poetry. ​ I thought a vacation would be the end of my exhaustion. I went to Alaska very tired, and I came back less tired.
·tinyletter.com·
Some kind of prologue
Moving to New Orleans from New York City
Moving to New Orleans from New York City
There are good mornings, goodnights, how y’all doings, and head nods and smiles and eye contact. There are neighbors who walk out on their front porch to give treats to my dog. There is polite chit-chat even if we don’t know each other. There are waves from car windows. There is communication. ​ That is where my money went. To rent, and to these women. I relied on all of them to keep me feeling safe, attractive, and emotionally healthy. I believed I could not have survived without them. And possibly I was right. ​ I was putting Band-Aids on myself for years. To survive life. I occasionally described myself as “good at New York.” I was able to maintain a life there. But that’s just it. I was only maintaining. ​ But that is what I left behind when I left New York, more than anything else. Eighteen years of building friendships. Those people are irreplaceable in my heart. I was waiting for a friend to join me, but I was content on my own, too. ​ She yelled to me, “Neighbor, come get in the picture, come on now.” She insisted on it. I did not know how to say no to her, and I did not want to. And so, I rose and joined them.
·curbed.com·
Moving to New Orleans from New York City
Annotate the World
Annotate the World
relearning the pleasures of reading for myself, which was part of learning how to be in my own company. ​ To most readers the notes would be nothing more than an eyesore, but to put them in circulation would somehow manifest versions of myself that no longer felt familiar, and seemed to risk preceding me.
·reallifemag.com·
Annotate the World
#86: How to Do Things
#86: How to Do Things
Now that a huge portion of culture is filtered through software, the superiority of “doing things” to “being things” is at risk: Digital platforms build detailed profiles of us from our online behavior, which in turn dictate what we see and then recursively influence our future actions. ​ This isn’t just an academic distinction, but a fairly urgent question for the physical and digital environments that we will build for our future selves. We all intuitively know that our taste and other aspects of our identities are fluid and continuously responding to the surrounding world — that we are assemblages of actions and behaviors more than fixed data profiles (which are actually just blurry snapshots of us at a particular moment). But platforms like Spotify seem to be training us to believe the opposite
·medium.com·
#86: How to Do Things
On the issues with Friday deploy freezes
On the issues with Friday deploy freezes
Fear of deploys is the ultimate technical debt. ​ Deploys are the heartbeat of your company. ​ as pedestrian as the day of the week. ​ Deploy on every commit. Smaller, coherent changesets transform into debuggable, understandable deploys. ​ If you do not block merges on Fridays, and only block deploys, you are queueing up a bunch of changes to all get shipped days later, long after the engineers wrote the code and have forgotten half of the context. Any problems you encounter will be MUCH harder to debug on Monday in a muddled blob of changes than they would have been just shipping crisply, one at a time on Friday. Is it worth sacrificing your entire Monday? Monday-Tuesday? Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday? ​ have all happened after holiday code freezes. Every. Single. One. ​ The “safety” of nodeploy Friday is realized immediately, while the costs are felt later later. ​ Finally, I heard from a alarming number of people who admitted that Friday deploy bans were useless or counterproductive, but they supported them anyway as a purely symbolic gesture to show that they supported work/life balance. This makes me really sad. I’m … glad they want to support work/life balance, but surely we can come up with some other gestures that don’t work directly counter to their goals of life/work balance. That's it. Because if you make it a virtue signal, it will NEVER GET FIXED. Blocking Friday deploy is not a mark of moral virtue; it is a physical bash script patching over technical rot. And technical rot is bad because it HURTS PEOPLE. It is in your interest to fix it.
·charity.wtf·
On the issues with Friday deploy freezes
“Is it writing if it never gets published? Is it really work if I’m not being paid for it? I keep telling myself yes, hang in there, it'll all work out, but some days I feel like I'm just mouthing the words and I don’t really believe them. Today has
“Is it writing if it never gets published? Is it really work if I’m not being paid for it? I keep telling myself yes, hang in there, it'll all work out, but some days I feel like I'm just mouthing the words and I don’t really believe them. Today has
As a writer, the question of worth is still one that plagues me. Today’s existential anxiety attack was set off by missing the compost drop off bc I was working on an essay. Not a solicited essay, one I want to write so I am (hopefully it'll be published but who knows) Especially on days when I’m not earning $, I put great stock in doing chores. Since I can’t contribute $ to the family, at least I can do the dishes, make dinner, dust, etc. This in part stems from my working class upbringing. And perhaps the masculine stereotype of “providing” So when I missed the compost drop off, I had a moment of absolute panic and an irrational dip of self-esteem. I had one job to do! Dropping off the goddamn compost. If I can't do that, then what good am I? As a partner, a dad, a human being. It got BIG real fast. Is it writing if it never gets published? Is it really work if I'm not being paid for it? I keep telling myself yes, hang in there, it’ll all work out, but some days I feel like I’m just mouthing the words and I don’t really believe them. Today has been one of those.
·twitter.com·
“Is it writing if it never gets published? Is it really work if I’m not being paid for it? I keep telling myself yes, hang in there, it'll all work out, but some days I feel like I'm just mouthing the words and I don’t really believe them. Today has
Reflecting on 5 Years at Artsy - Ash Furrow
Reflecting on 5 Years at Artsy - Ash Furrow
Speaking of last year, in 2018, I flirted with the idea of moving into a management role. I spoke with a bunch of people about the idea but ultimately decided that it wasn’t the right time for me. ​ Through this process, I figured out the skills that I’d need to gain if I ever did end up wanting to be a manager, and I’ve been working on those skills since. Though, at this point in time, I still don’t think being a manager is the right path for me. Being a tech lead, on the other hand… ​ It felt kind of weird. While I had cultural credibility of my peers, I didn’t have institutional authority of the business.
·ashfurrow.com·
Reflecting on 5 Years at Artsy - Ash Furrow