The general rule seems to be this: the more abstract we make an event – that is, the more we see it in terms of its meaning to the mind, rather than how it feels to the senses – the greater the psychological pain that is created. The more we can zoom into the direct experience, and refrain from engaging with the story around it, the less of a pain in the ass it is.

For myself, when I read this many years from now. I woke up and Miranda had decorated the kitchen with giant 3-foot shiny golden balloons: 40! There was an incredibly lovely cake from Sparrow Bakery and cards that made me cry both from her and from Ruby. Ruby is just 2 years old. She’s so […]

“A more interesting question, a question that perhaps you’ve never considered before, is what pain do you want in your life? What are you willing to struggle for? Because that seems to be a greater determinant of how our lives turn out.” “If you find yourself wanting something month after month, year after year, yet nothing happens and you never come any closer to it, then maybe what you actually want is a fantasy, an idealization, an image and a false promise. Maybe what you want isn’t what you want, you just enjoy wanting. Maybe you don’t actually want it at all.”

I can say “this hurts and it sucks” and also be content with what I can do. I have space in my head for the good and bad.