Import

"If you're not happy," Wei Wuxian suddenly heard his own voice saying, not unlike an out of body experience, "you could always express an interest in me." Lan Wangji's head snapped up, piercing Wei Wuxian with such an intense stare he scrambled to try and explain the words that had just tumbled uncontrollably out of his foolish mouth, wondering faintly if he was going to have any control over his errant tongue today. "I mean - it's just a suggestion, Lan Zhan. If you've shown an interest in someone, there's less pressure to marry immediately, right?" Gods, what was he saying? His tongue felt like a lump of liver in his mouth, clumsy and unwieldy, but he just kept talking.

Fusion with Batman. Tsukino Usagi is just another prodigal daughter returning to her hometown. She's only there for her inheritance and the parties. Gotham is a city that needs cleaning up, and Sailor Moon is the newest vigilante in town.

“She was going to kiss me,” Wei Ying says, muffled, into his hands. Lan Zhan makes sure he keeps his breaths even. “Hm,” he says. Wei Ying looks up at him, wild: a little tipsy, perhaps. Confused, in a panic. His mouth is red like he’s been kissed—he hasn’t. He’s a lip biter, has a habit of picking at his dry lips, the winter sores at the corner of his mouth. It drives Lan Zhan to madness. He dreams of Wei Ying’s puffy mouth, often, sometimes with the real Wei Ying in a sleeping bag on the floor next to his bed. On mornings like those he wakes up in a cloud of embarrassment—hobbling to the bathroom at dawn, running a loud shower to hide the sounds. Wei Ying sleeps on. “How do I—” Wei Ying starts, stops. He then lets out a single laugh, another. He says: “Oh my god. How do I kiss? Lan Zhan, how do I kiss?” * Or: Wei Ying has a girlfriend now. Wei Ying doesn't want his best friend to lag behind.

Story time: In middle school biology, we did an experiment. We were given yams, which we would sprout in cups of water. We then had to make hypotheses about how the yams would grow, based on descriptions of yam plants in our books, and make notes of our observations as they grew. Here’s what was supposed to happen: we were supposed to see that the actual growth of the plant did not resemble our hypotheses. We were then supposed to figure out that these were, in fact, sweet potatoes. What actually happened was that every single student in every single class lied in their notes so that their observations perfectly matched their hypotheses. See, everyone assumed the mismatch meant they had done something wrong in the process of growing the plant or that they had misunderstood the dichotomous key or the plant identification terminology. And, thanks to the wonders of a public school education, everyone assumed the wrong results would get us a failing grade. We were trying to pass. We didn’t want to get bitched out by the teacher. Curiosity, learning, science - that had nothing to do with why we were sitting in that classroom. So we all lied. The teacher was furious. She tried to fail every student, but the administration stepped in and told her she wasn’t allowed to because a 100% fail rate is recognized as a failure of the teacher, not the class. It wasn’t even her fault, really, though her being a notorious hard-ass didn’t help. It was a failure of the entire educational system. So whenever I see crap like Elizabeth Holmes’s blood test scam or pharmaceutical trials which are unable to be replicated or industry-funded research that reaches wildly unscientific conclusions, I just remember those fucking sweet potatoes. I remember that curiosity dies when people are just trying to give their superiors the “right” answers, so they can get the grade, get the job, get the paycheck. It’s not about truth when it’s about paying rent. There’s no scientific integrity if you can’t control for human desperation.

(oh my god they were roommates) "Thank you, valued user, for accepting the Protagonist Rehabilitation Programme. Your task: Ensure the protagonist's happiness." Shen Yuan is convinced that his favouri... least favourite novel's main protagonist isn't really happy. He has babes, money and power, but does he have any friends? Cue the system handily dropping Demon King Luo Binghe into his bedroom. Can Shen Yuan make him happy before the timer runs out? (90% light-hearted comedy, 10% existential horror and fear because this is the OG PIDW Binghe we're talking about)

A gleaming white blade swoops out of nowhere. The spirit attacking Wei Ying splinters into a thousand wisps of resentful energy, each dissipating into thin air. And Wei Ying wonders if this is how mortals feel: to be visited, in a moment of desperation, by that famous bright white light and know with certainty that it’s all over. He closes his eyes. He presses harder against the wound in his stomach, fingers sinking into the gory mess of his torso, and lets the pain take over. Then he opens his eyes. “Hey, Lan Zhan,” he says, as casually as possible. -- Wei Ying needs to find a way to escape the Underworld. This is difficult enough even if you don't have an army of the dead to fight off and a huge crush on Death himself, but that won't stop him from trying.

Shen Qingqiu is a widowed scholar of modest attainments, presently attached to the household of a provincial official as a sort of governess: a thoroughly unremarkable man, take him for all in all. Shen Qingqiu is not a very reliable narrator.

"So it's a bet?" Jiang Cheng said. "Dance the showcase if you get him, fancy coffee machine if you don't?" Wei Wuxian considered the machine. "Fine. You're on. I want it in red." "Don't start planning your caffeine overdose yet." "It's in the bag," Wei Wuxian said cheerfully. "There's no way they'll match me with someone like Lan Wangji." Teaching Lan Wangji to dance in front of the nation for twelve weeks, how hard can that be? Wei Wuxian is about to find out.

Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess It's a love story, baby, just say, "Yes" Or; Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian deserve a fairytale ending and by the gods are they going to get it

I've got so much to give so I'll give it again and again and again

“Some say I haven’t a heart at all,” he countered. And there was the landing. Also without the elevator. “What?” Wei Ying’s laugh fluttered nervously between his lips. “Why?” “Because they know me well,” Lan Zhan replied. -- We did it, you guys, we wrote a 50 Shades AU. And we're gonna keep writing it, it's gonna be the trilogy in one huge mass of wonderful healthy BDSM kink-positive goodness. With a healthy dose of "everyone can tell you're in love except you, you idiots" as per norm.

Shen Yuan is reincarnated as a cannon fodder character and eventual murder victim in one of the whodunnit arcs in Proud Immortal Demon Way. Things escalate quickly. Or: that one where young Luo Binghe’s career goal is ‘Bride’. --- Shen Yuan shut his eyes as a young man waiting to die in a hospital and opened them again as a wrinkly infant covered in substances best left unimagined. [Welcome to the System! The System is based on the concept ‘YOU CAN YOU UP. NO CAN NO BB.’ We hope to provide you with a rewarding experience. It is our sincere hope that during the course of your adventure, you can achieve your desire to transform a ‘Stupid Novel’ into a high-end and impressive classic. We pray for your happiness,] a mechanical and inflectionless voice announced over the general hubbub of the group of women handling him. Then it added, somewhat more worryingly, [Error.]

Courtesan Lan Wangji was educated as part of the highest of high class entertainers, much sought-after by scholars and princes and leaders of sects. His skills are of the highest caliber, and do not in any way involve sex. But times are changing.

Wei Ying and Lan Zhan bond after meeting Lan Yi, and Lan Zhan keeps Wei Ying from getting expelled when Jin Zixuan insults Jiang Yanli. They're betrothed by the end of lectures at Cloud Recesses. Multiple marriage alliances among the great clans make Wen Ruohan reconsider indoctrination. His attack on Lotus Pier fails, turned back by a united eastern front, and Jiang rallies around its First Disciple. This is a series about everything going right: in the novel, donghua, and web series, with occasional manhua references. It includes dragonji, foxxian, adopted and biological babies, and a Yiling Wei sect based on dual cultivation.

Sometimes Lan Zhan doesn’t work through lunch. Sometimes he makes conversation with coworkers in the halls. Sometimes he goes home instead of spending the last hour trawling through Grindr. But mostly, that’s exactly what he does. The sameness is comforting. His life spools out in easily measured increments: capsule collections, yards of hand dyed textiles, ninety day lead times, sell through figures, cost of goods sold. Every date in manufacturing can be calculated backwards and forward from a single horizon point: the date that the goods must arrive into the country where they'll be sold. Other than that, nothing else really matters.

No one has ever had a successful time acclimating to transmigration. At least, that's what Shen Yuan tells himself after he accidentally breaks The System. It doesn't help that he wakes up as a teenage disciple inside of the bane of his existence- Proud Immortal Demon Way. He's trying to take precautions to avoid all the death flags that this stupid villain's body of his is going to get him into, but some other disciple really seems to have it out for him...

“I’m the future king and I’m gay. I can’t afford dating or romance,” Seokjin says, calm and far more collected than the situation should call for. “I can afford convenience, though, and someone for whom a purely physical arrangement is mutually beneficial. What I have with Yoongi is good. Convenient.” “Can’t you just say ‘fuck buddy’ like the rest of us?” Taehyung groans, somehow both frustrated and still deeply amused. At Seokjin’s pointed glare, he grins, wide and saccharine, and adds, “Your Royal Highness,” with a derisive bow. or Prince Seokjin lives in a world of lies and gold; things start to change when on a stormy night he meets Min Yoongi, who makes him reevaluate the truth's worth.

hilarious review of dear evan hansen

+1 time he Actually Was there “Is that fucking Lan Wangji?” He asks, referring to Wei Wuxian’s home screen wallpaper. “Yeah?” Jiang Cheng makes a noise like a garbage disposal. “What?!” Wei Wuxian squawks. “Why is he your wallpaper?”

His long hair, gathered into a braid, is perfectly in place, not a wrinkle on his fancy clothes. He must be older than Wei Ying, although he couldn’t tell by how much. The unnatural perfection is what had attracted Wei Ying to him in the first place: in the flashing lights of the club, he had looked like a jade statue. Nie Huaisang, noticing where Wei Ying’s eyes had drifted to, had dared him to ask the guy to dance and well. The rest is history. * Wei Ying hooks up with a hot stranger on a night out; the last thing he expects is to see him again on the first day at his new job.

Wei Ying put on his best smile, which had never failed him in the past, and rapidly tried to make the mental pivot from ‘meeting an awesome if slightly dishonest graphic artist’ to ‘trying to hook up with the hottest man ever to have existed’. Never let it be said that Wei Ying’s mind was not a thing of infinite agility, when given the right incentive. - - - Wei Ying had just finished an intense, two-month project and was looking forward to going back home. After a cancelled flight, he decided to try to find some companionship to take his mind off spending yet another day in his empty hotel room. He didn't know anyone in town, so he used a hookup app and came across a profile picture that is OBVIOUSLY fake, but the art was amazing. Wei Ying decided to messege the guy and meet up, planning to call him out for the fake pic but mostly he just wanted to talk to the guy about what program he used to make the image. It turns out, the image wasn't a fake.

It should be said that Nie Huaisang really shouldn't be trusted to do anything, but it can't be denied that he really gets results where they count.

All Wei Wuxian wants to do is get to know Hot Gusu Jade a little better. This would be a lot easier if he wasn’t, apparently, an identical twin. Maybe he should ask their older brother for help telling them apart…? Lan Wangji does not approve of his brother’s new boyfriend, who can’t seem to tell him and Xichen apart, and won’t leave him alone even when he can. All he can do is hope that Wei Ying will tire of making overtures before it does something unpleasant to Lan Wangji’s heart. Aka: The one where Wei Wuxian thinks Lan Zhan is twins (yes, both of them), and Lan Wangji thinks Wei Wuxian is dating Lan Xichen. …Oops.

Wei Ying's life has been less than great recently, but given that yesterday's problems amounted to "finally clean the fridge" and today's are "keep himself, Jiang Cheng, and 28 random strangers alive in a fantasy version of the Arctic" it's fair to say that things have taken a turn for the worse. Or: what happens when, against all your best wishes, you end up on a reality show that saw all of its previous contestants die.

Lan Wangji was tossed into the Mortal Realm, injured and helpless. Help came from a bright young Head Disciple. Curious, fascinating, and beautiful, it didn't take long for Lan Wangji to become enamored. And the rest was fate.

After the altercation with Jin Zixuan, Wei Wuxian is sent back to Lotus Pier. No one has seen him since.

It seemed like kind of a long shot, but who knew? Maybe his long-lost kindergarten best friend just happened to wind up at the University of Lanling, taking the same 11am gen-ed credit Intro to Sociology class as him. Meet-Ugly Prompt #56: "You called me mean things when we were in kindergarten and then moved away but we just crashed into each other on campus and I’m short with you because I haven’t forgotten."

Huckleberry Finn can actually be seen as a powerful case study in trying to do social justice when you have absolutely no tools for it, right down to vocabulary. And in that respect, it’s a heroic tale, because Huck—with absolutely no good examples besides Jim, who he has been taught to see as subhuman, with no guidance, with everyone telling him that doing the right thing will literally damn him, with a vocabulary that’s full of hate speech—he turns around and says, “I’m not going to do it. I’m not going to participate in this system. If that means I go to Hell, so be it. Going to Hell now.” (I used to read a blogger who insisted that “All right, I’ll go to Hell,” from Huckleberry Finn is the most pure and perfect prayer in the canon of American literature. Meaning, as I understand it, that the decision to do the right thing in the face of eternal damnation is the most holy decision one can make, and if God Himself is not proud of the poor mixed-up kid, then God Himself is not worth much more than a “Get thee behind me,” and the rest of us should be lining up to go to Hell too. Worth noting that this person identified as an evangelical Christian, not because he was in line with what current American evangelicals believe, but because “they can change their name, I’m not changing mine.” Interesting guy. Sorry for the long parenthetical.) Anyway, the point of Huck Finn, as far as I can tell, is that you can still choose to do good in utter darkness, with no guidance and no help and none of the right words. And when you put it like that, it’s no wonder that a lot of people on Tumblr—people who prioritize words over every other form of social justice—find it threatening and hard to comprehend.

“Perfect!” Wei Wuxian said. “I’ll need a disguise too. I doubt they’ll be eager to share any secrets with the Yiling Laozu.” Very few people he encountered knew what he really looked like -- though that was slowly changing the more he wandered around in his second life. But his black and red robe and Chenqing would have to go. A sneaky thought suddenly occurred to him, and he bit back a grin. “Aiya, Lan Zhan, what if we pretended to be married? Traditionalists that they are, they’ll be much more likely to talk to us then,” he teased.

He does not know his husband yet, and still, somewhere deep in his bones, Lan Wangji trusts him. He is the Yiling Laozu, after all. Those who challenged him have died. Those who remain would never dare. In his domain, built upon the dead in darkness, he will be safe. _______ Ten years after the fall of the Lan family, Lan Wangji accepts a marriage proposal from the mysterious Yiling Laozu.