Import

Wei Wuxian almost does not catch the name of the song. In which the aftermath of the cave battle involves just enough communication to make a difference.

Wei Ying lets out a long, ugly groan. “I am fine, Lan Zhan. Everybody is overreacting, it’s so embarrassing for all of you.” “You had undiagnosed pneumonia, which you walked around with for weeks until you passed out during dress,” Lan Wangji corrects him. “It got a big laugh, until everyone thought you were dead.” He keeps his voice even and does not tell Wei Ying that it had been Lan Wangji who caught him, who called the ambulance, and who rode with him to the hospital, where he was yelled at by nurses who wanted to know why he hadn’t noticed that Wei Ying couldn’t stop shivering or string proper sentences together. “Rumors of my demise have been vastly overstated,” Wei Ying says. “Anyway, I’m already feeling much better. Basically fine. Really almost completely back to normal, so stop babying me and tell me why the fuck you let your stupid brother hire the worst man in the world to host our show.” - OR: the one where they all work at SNL, Yanli's ex-boyfriend is hosting, and that's just the beginning of everybody's problems.

Maybe, just maybe, Wei Wuxian shouldn't have looked for an abandoned temple in the dead of night. Maybe, just maybe, he shouldn't have broken in and invoked the name of the ancient god supposedly residing in said temple. And maybe, just maybe, he shouldn't have kept coming back to socialize.

And then. Something slots into place in his brain and he turns, bit by bit. "Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian says. "It seems that you've found me."

Having a mythology halo was a little ominous, but at least it got the System off his back. Shen Qingqiu was way less annoyed about that than he was about transmigrating into a human in a world where swans didn't even exist.

Matthew Bourne΄s Swan Lake, 2012 - P. I. Tchaikovsky - Richard Winsor, Dominic North (HD 1080p)

“You’ve got me wrong,” he said. “I hate rules and I love my family. It’s nothing more serious than that.” (Or, what if Wei Wuxian had ADHD.)

Ten years ago, Neil and his mother fled from his violent Fire mage father, leaving the kingdom of Ravenar and his childhood friends behind. Now alone, his magic stripped from him, Neil finds himself a spoil of war, sold by the new king of Ravenar into marriage with the prince of Palmetto in an attempt to buy peace. Nothing goes quite as he expects: he regains his lost magic, makes new friends, and reconnects with old ones. But even as he starts to form a magical bond with Prince Andrew, a threat lurks on the horizon, and he must stop it before war breaks out again.

In the month between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian leaving Yi City and their attending the cultivation conference in Lanling, Wei Wuxian discovers a locked room in the Jingshi. It is a mystery that clever and curious Wei Wuxian is doing everything in his power to avoid solving.

One of the first things Wei Wuxian’s new co-star said to him was “this show isn’t a gay love story.” Vignettes of Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian performing Matthew Bourne’s Swan Lake, not in order

Being at a club was not Lan Wangji’s original plan for the night. That honor went to a pot of tea, the romance novel he’d been saving as a reward for finishing the semester, and sweatpants. Being at a club is Jin Zixuan’s fault.

Wei WuXian opened his eyes to the sound of buzzing. (The novelization reimagined.)

"Lan Zhan?" Wei Ying says, shocked. "You're here?" "Yes," says Lan Zhan. His face shifts microscopically for a fleeting instant in a way that says 'obviously, Wei Ying, I'm standing right in front of you, where else would I be but Nie Huaisang's kinky sex party that you didn't even know existed until three days ago?'

After the third time Lan Wangji winds up as the assigned photographer for one of Wei Wuxian’s campus newspaper articles, he stops bringing the digital camera and brings Bichen instead. He’s figured out that no matter how ordinary and non-cultivation-related the assignment should be - the lunar gala, a robotics competition, the dining hall workers on strike - if Wei Wuxian is there, some sort of chaos will break out. He likes the way spiritual energy looks better on film rather than digital. He especially likes the way Bichen captures it. He can almost imagine he feels her humming in his hands when he raises her and begins to shoot.

Through the window, boats drift in a mirror of the yawning sky, fringed with wide lotus leaves and the pale yellow blossoms that grow year-round. Geese call in the distance. And there again, drifting through the air—the scent of sesame shaobing, and hot dry noodles, and the sizzle-pop of frying oil. Like the heat-haze of summer, softened with time. Like the taste of home. Or, four meals Wei Wuxian shares during his travels, and one he shares with his soulmate.

He’d come here for years and felt sometimes as though he knew the floor plan better than he knew himself. He forewent active participation, which many of the regulars found strange, but this month he could feel he needed something more than watching someone else’s play. It was just he didn’t know what he wanted or how he was going to get it. Wei Ying works as a bartender in a sex club, but he is not only a bartender. Lan Zhan frequents said sex club. They don’t actually have sex in the sex club, which is a pity to neither of them somehow.

"I do not wish to leave my future spouse… dissatisfied with my intimate knowledge,” Lan Zhan says, very seriously. “I am hoping to find an instructor, to better prepare myself for such matters." Wei Ying feels his mouth drop open. He's pretty sure the Second Jade of Lan just told him he's a virgin who wants to learn how to do sex good. Rogue Cultivator Wei Wuxian is the stuff of local legends. Some of those legends are even true! The ones about his tremendous experience in bed, on the other hand, are not so true. Which becomes a problem when Lan Wangji, on the verge of an arranged marriage and worried he won’t know how to please his future spouse, enlists Wei Ying's help to teach him the art of love-making. Wei Ying's great at improvisation, though, and is pretty sure he's got this sex mentor thing under control. What could possibly go wrong?

"Lan Zhan. I haven’t -- I mean, I’ve kissed people! But I’ve not. Not anything else.” Wei Ying can’t look up. He can feel how hot his cheeks are. His whole face must be burning. He wishes he’d worn something else, something less obviously wanting. “Not anything?” Lan Zhan breathes. He sounds -- Wei Ying isn’t quite sure what he sounds, but it isn’t disappointed. He risks a peek upwards, through his eyelashes, like Lan Zhan’s face will be more bearable in the diffuse. Lan Zhan’s mouth is open slightly. Wei Ying shakes his head, and Lan Zhan’s hands come up to his cheeks, tipping his head back up. “Wei Ying.” he says, softly, and leans in to kiss him. It’s softer this time, but just as deep, his tongue sweeping gently along Wei Ying’s lower lip, coaxing. Showing, Wei Ying realises. Letting him learn. He feels the heat rise again, but it’s different this time, contained, somehow, by Lan Zhan’s firm hands, the warm press of his chest. “Will you let me show you?” he asks." // Lan Zhan teaches Wei Ying how to feel good.

Eight years after the last time Wei Ying had seen Lan Zhan, a not-so-chance encounter miraculously brings him back into Wei Ying's life. Which is great. Fantastic, even. Except for one thing - everything Wei Ying has told Lan Zhan about his life in the intervening years is a big, fat lie, and the charade is only getting harder and harder to keep up. (Or, a story about how, after a whole lot of emotional pain, Wei Ying and Lan Zhan finally learn how to use their words.)

Lan Zhan and Wei Ying go undercover at a fetish party.

Wei Wuxian gasps back into life without a single memory left. His friends, his siblings, his home — all lost to the fog in his head, nothing more than a mystery slipping through his fingers. What else was there to do but carry himself around in bits and parts, trying to become whole, a letter waiting to be written? He is – he is Mo Xuanyu, isn’t he? In this body, with these people. This family. He has to be Mo Xuanyu, he didn’t know anything else, even if the name sounded wrong. That was all he had. Well, that and Hanguang-jun. Lan Wangji, for his part, has had his taste of love and lost it. In all his grieving and searching, he didn’t expect to find another. - Wei Wuxian gets resurrected, loses his memories, and falls in love.

When Jiang Yanli joins Jiang Cheng in visiting Wei Wuxian at the Burial Grounds, the two brothers are on the verge of cutting ties forever — until Jiang Yanli has a better idea. Wei Wuxian doesn't need to leave the sect. He needs to get married, and she has the perfect Sect Leader in mind. When Lan Wangji is invited to come along on Wei Wuxian's visit to the Unclean Realm to spend time with his new betrothed, Nie Mingjue, he agrees — even though his heart is breaking. How else is he ever going to see Wei Wuxian again? When Nie Mingjue welcomes Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji into his home, he realizes two things very quickly: 1.) They clearly want each other so badly they can barely stand it, and 2.) Nie Mingjue is Into That. (In which arranged marriage to Nie Mingjue solves just about everyone's problems)

I started using Head and Shoulders ten years ago for itchy scalp and dandruff, and then for ten years I have not had itchy scalp and dandruff, so I thought “why do I still buy shampoo to combat itchy scalp and dandruff when I do not have itchy scalp and dandruff,” so I stopped buying the shampoo for itchy scalp and dandruff and can you guess I have now? Can you predict what currently afflicts me? It’s alright if you can’t because apparently I fuckin couldn’t either Cutting something out of your life because you think you don’t need it any more only to realize that it was in fact working as intended and preventing a problem that will return should you stop doing this is a good experiment to run periodically with something small like dandruff shampoo, lest you start to think it would be a good idea to do this with like let’s say public health and the social safety net and vaccines I had a liver transplant when I was 14 and like six months later I was chatting with my surgeon and he said “there’s gonna come a time, probably when you’re a teenager, where you’re gonna think, ‘I feel great, why am I still taking all this medication? I haven’t needed it in years.’ and you’re gonna want to stop taking all this medication. Guess what’s gonna happen then? You’re gonna go into rejection and your liver is gonna start failing, and you’re gonna be dying again, and we’re gonna have to find you another liver. So don’t do that.” And I said “why the fuck would anyone do that?” and he said “people are stupid.” every once in a while when I get annoyed by a pharmacy or don’t wanna get out of bed to do my drugs I think “ugh, this is dumb, why do I do this?” and that conversation slams into me like a truck and I remember that I am, in fact, stupid

The picture is of Wei Ying, that much is clear. It’s of a lot more of Wei Ying than Lan Zhan is used to seeing. He supposes that, technically, Wei Ying is dressed. It’s a bare technicality, since one of Wei Ying’s hands has rucked up his black tank top practically to his collarbone, showing a long expanse of abdomen and one nipple. Sweat beads on his sternum, catching the light like jewels. His other hand is--Lan Zhan feels his eyes widen, as though unable to look away from a train wreck--on his hip, one thumb tugging down the waistband of a pair of red briefs. Wei Ying is biting his lower lip and looking directly into the camera, sultry, his eyes dark and inviting. His erection is obvious, outlined against the red of the briefs and framed carefully with the hand on his hip. Lan Zhan’s brain goes wildly, screamingly blank. Or: Lan Zhan accidentally finds his best friend's OnlyFans account and has an ongoing emotional crisis.

Wei Wuxian remembers, a long time ago in basically another life, a college party where he managed to bully Lan Wangji into taking a single shot. The Second Jade had gone bleary and fallen asleep on a couch almost immediately. Wei Wuxian figured that in the intervening years his tolerance would have improved, or that a drunk Lan Zhan would immediately be followed by a sleeping Lan Zhan. This supposition was, as it turns out, incorrect. Grown-ass adult Lan Zhan is, when drunk, something Wei Wuxian can only describe as white girl wasted. Or: Lan Zhan gets drunk on Capitol Hill. Wei Wuxian isn't supposed to be the responsible one, but by god, he's gonna do it.

At the end of Season Five, Buffy plunges to her death. Then she is resurrected -- 350 years in the future.

Neil Josten and Andrew Minyard have been best friends since they were small. But attending college halfway across the country from each other has strained their relationship, and Andrew won’t take it anymore — as soon as term is over, they’re going on the road trip of a lifetime. Andrew can absolutely handle spending the entire summer with Neil in the passenger’s seat, sharing hotel rooms and cigarettes and diner booths. Because he’s definitely not in love with him. It’ll be fine.

[Congratulations! User has scored with: Luo Binghe: (max level cap reached) Shang Qinghua: +200 points; “eternal bros” tag added Yue Qingyuan: +200 points; “childhood sweethearts” tag added; further content unlocked Liu Qingge: +200 points; further content unlocked] Or: Amongst other things, Shen Qingqiu goes through an identity crisis, gives Luo Binghe the wedding of his dreams, and gets saddled with his very own harem.

Dixing is one of the last States standing against Emperor Zhao Xinci’s attempt to conquer and unite all the lands. The Crown Prince, Zhao Yunlan, has been fighting at the front lines of the war against Dixing for years when his mother gifts him with a concubine. Shen Wei is beautiful and magnetic and Zhao Yunlan falls in love with him instantly. But Shen Wei isn’t just a concubine; he’s a Dixing spy who’s being embedded in Zhao Yunlan’s household to gather intel and potentially assassinate the prince. He doesn’t expect to fall in love.

Lan Wangji believes he and Wei Wuxian are essentially engaged. While they search for his missing betrothed, he accidentally reveals as much to Jiang Wanyin. Now everyone in the cultivation world knows about the imminent marriage, except for Wei Wuxian himself.