Import

Wei Ying has been feeling like a grey, wrung-out, mildewed dishrag for a week when Lan Zhan slopes in from a trip to the store looking blank-faced and awkward and sets a pregnancy test down on the kitchen counter.

Lan Zhan knows Wei Ying is trying to live off of plane food and the continental breakfast at the bland airport hotel and anything cheap he can scrounge -- vending machine chips, dollar pizza, street food if they're in a place where the water is safe to drink. It’s... it's an injustice that the pay scale is so inadequate.

Wei Wuxian, the Crown Prince of the Fox Tribe of Qing Qiu, enlists the help of Lan Wangji, the Second Prince of the Dragon Tribe of the Nine Heavens, to escape the endless matchmaking sessions he's been forced to attend. It goes...well, 'according to plan' are not exactly the words he would use. Lan Wangji, on the other hand, is way too pleased with himself. (Or: The Pursuit of One Chaotic Fox Prince by One Horny Smugji)

"Are you alright?" Jiang Cheng asks. "What happened?" "Jiujiu!" Jin Ling says, his voice panicked. "Jiujiu, it's Wei Wuxian! He's hurt!" Jiang Cheng freezes. Wei Wuxian gets hurt on a night hunt. Jiang Cheng is displeased to find out that he's been wandering around on his own instead of living with Lan Wangji in Cloud Recesses. He ends up fixing it.

After one final look at the profile photo, Lan Zhan closed Grindr. "Not even a flame?" Startled, Lan Zhan turned to his left. "I know not everyone wants to start chatting right off the bat, but you spent long enough looking at my face," said the man from the app, who was sitting at the bar. Or: Lan Zhan gets stranded at the airport, decides to scroll through Grindr, and meets someone new.

“What are you doing here?” his mouth blurts out without any insight whatsoever from his brain. “A-Lan,” Mama Zhao says sharply. “That is no way to talk to our guest!” “I do not mind, Mrs Zhao,” Shen Wei says before Zhao Yunlan can remember the words that went into an apology, smiling softly at her before turning back to Zhao Yunlan. “I am here to offer my services to you, Zhao Yunlan.” He folds his hands in front of himself and dips his head forward slightly. “Please allow me the honour of being your coach for the coming skating year.”

i went to england to visit the family of this boy im dating in birmingham. one of his sisters lived in manchester and his whole family kept being like we wish lila was her you would love her blah blah blah lila would just lobe you blah and I was finally like well why couldn’t she make it? everyone was like lol as we said she’s in manchester??? that’s it. i looked up the distance and it’s like less than two hours away and when me and my dude went to grab a beer later that night I was like so does Lila not get along with your parents like what’s up? again, he’s like babe I told you she’s in manchester. I was like are the villages at war????? he goes “it’s too far. this isn’t holiday.” I was like babe we’ve drivin 4-5 hours for weekend trips to the beach Im just confused- and he cuts me off and goes “that’s American me. We don’t do that here”

Zhanzhan! Is your brother your only friend?? That’s so sad! I’ll be your friend 🥰 We are not friends. I am your intellectual property lawyer. A modern office AU involving email exchanges, patent applications, and shit getting real a little too fast.

Wei Ying's past mistakes catch up to him. Not in the way you'd think.

They meet at one of Jin Zixuan's barbecues, in the fancy house halfway up the coastal hills. Behind Wei Ying's shoulders and bitten-down mouth, sunset is staining the salt flats orange. (Or, Lan Zhan loses his battle against sexting, NBA Live, and diner food, but wins the war)

The problem is, Lan Wangji hasn’t been able to stop thinking about him. Meng Yao had asked what Lan Wangji wants; what he wants is a clear mind. To not be plagued by thoughts of a man whose name he doesn’t even know. He keeps playing their next confrontation in his head, a movie with infinite variety. He imagines he would gain the upper hand. Not through wit, probably. Intimidation, maybe. He’d crowd the man, to make him hear what Lan Wangji had to say. Push him against the wall, if he tried to escape. Fist his hand in that black hair, if he— (a heist au.)

They’re the night customers, the night-dwellers, and Zhao Yunlan pays no mind to their oddities, just follows their direction when they ask for him leave their burgers raw, or not put salt in because it 'burns'; accepts the odd things that they give him along with their tips – like old coins from an age past that give him unprecedented good luck for a week, or sheaves of dry leaves that turn into winning lottery tickets overnight – and when they ask for him to give his name, with too many teeth in their perfect mouths, he winks and changes the subject.

Meng Yao's attempt to enhance his golden-core goes terribly awry! He finds himself leading the Sunshot Campaign as Sect Leader Nie, battling against the Wen army, the frayed tempers of his allies and his own impending Qi deviation. Luckily Meng Yao is very, very good with people. Honest, forthright Nie Mingjue wakes up in the body of Wen Ruohan's Chief Torturer, practically core-less and without his sabre for the first time since childhood. A slapdash rescue mission lead by Nie Huaisang turns into something much, much more dangerous. + Read for Nie Bros Catharasis, Wen Qing being so cool, Battle Couple Wangxian and the happy ending they all deserved! +

SUMMARY: Oliver looks through the one-way glass and sees a petite young woman with long, dark hair -- deep black, and streaked with purple, unless the fluorescent lights are playing tricks on him. She's sitting alone at the table with her hands clasped in front of her, the bright royal blue of her nails standing out starkly against her pale skin. There are dark tattoos along the bicep of her left arm, and he can see a little ink peeking out of her light green tank top. She's beautiful, and she looks moderately terrified. Whatever he expected to see, it isn't this. NOTE: some spoilers for the first few episodes of "Blindspot," but really I've taken the idea of the universe and twisted it to fit my needs. ;)

As a child, Wei Ying made his home wherever they’d take him in. Now he’s engaged to someone whose home is part of his identity, and he doesn’t know what to do. If he’s Lan Zhan’s, does that mean he belongs to Cloud Recesses too? Or will Lotus Pier give them a chance to show their love in a different way? (It turns out there's only one answer, and it's "yes.")

Lan Zhan literally ties their wrists together in Lan Yi’s cave and then says they’re not married. Because it’s true, or because he doesn’t want to be? Wei Ying doesn’t want to ask until he knows everything being a secret family member will let him do. (Eventually he'll realize he got distracted from his mission of mischief by falling in love.)

The facts are thus: Wei Wuxian is in Paris, the city of love. He’s standing in the perfect spot for a vacation picture. He’s tragically single. Can he? Wei Wuxian decides that he can, and he will. “Lan Zhan!” He waits until Lan Zhan looks at him questioningly, and grins. “Let’s take a romantic photo together!” Or: Wei Wuxian keeps asking Lan Wangji to kiss him in front of famous sights. Meanwhile, Nie Huaisang's Instagram following is drastically increasing.

Lan Wangji meets Wei Wuxian in Foundations of Machine Learning, which Lan Wangji is taking as an elective because he expects he'll get asked to teach something like this as soon as he lands his own tenure track job. He doesn't expect to enjoy it, and he doesn't. - Science AU time! In which Lan Zhan and Wei Ying meet in grad school in the USA at a fancy Ivy League university, and things progress from there (actual science content is light, never fear).

Four years after Wei Wuxian quit the music industry, ruined one of the most important relationships in his life, and helped bring the biggest company in the region crashing down—not in that order—life has settled into some semblance of a routine. Unfortunately, the universe hates him and nothing can ever go the way he plans. It starts with the guitar, and it just keeps getting worse. Or, a band AU, mostly.

Very long Narnia series

Lan Zhan gets sent a dick pic. Wei Ying doesn't understand why it bothers him so much.

What if Wei Wuxian remained a little suspicious of the Jin Sect's invitation to Jin Ling's first-month celebration? Based mostly on book canon, in which Lan Wangji did not write that invitation, and Wei Wuxian takes some extra, incredibly genius precautions, thus avoiding his fate at Qiongqi path...but at what cost? AKA the fic where WWX crossdresses his way into winning his life, love, and liberty

“Alright.” Wei Wuxian said calmly, “Kneel then.” The stranger pressed the sword onto his neck harder. “Either you kneel now and I save him, or we can keep doing this and risking his life in each breath you waste.” Wei Wuxian raised his eyebrows, “Your choice.” The stranger looked back, to another stranger who resembled him so much, might have been born from the same womb, bleeding from his abdomen to almost faint. He looked back at Wei Wuxian and then sheathed his sword with resentment in his eyes. The physician lifted his chin with a small smirk when the stranger did kneel in front of him, dirtying his pristine robes, degrading his esteem. “That’s not so hard, is it?” The physician chuckled, “Now, A-Yuan, bring the poor man inside.” (“Breaking news! Breaking news! Emperor Jin raised the award for Twin Jades’ heads into three thousand and four hundred gold taels!” The newsman shouted in the middle of the pathway.)

Cloud has suffered and asked for forgiveness, but Aeris knows she alone cannot give him it. He must find that forgiveness and peace where it began, back at SOLDIER.

The man tosses the towel unceremoniously back at Mo Ran’s chest, like he’s personally offended by it. And the fact that his hands had just been all over said chest barely minutes earlier, maybe. “Please pack a box of egg tarts with extra custard filling, a box of red bean paste buns with extra syrup, a rice pudding with extra candied fruit garnish, and a box of osmanthus cakes with extra sweet pear jam.” Mo Ran’s eyes grow progressively wider as he lists the items. It’s him. Not the suburban mother of four, not the elderly guy dealing with a midlife crisis, but quite possibly the hottest guy he’s ever seen. Who also happens to have the highest sugar tolerance Mo Ran has seen in a human being in his two years of running this bakery.

Wei Wuxian opens the letter and skims through, feeling his frown deepen with every line. “Oh. A request from Yiling. This man Tong Shen writes, 'I can’t explain what’s happening — you wouldn’t believe me if I tried. The hills are moving and they are hungry. Please send aid, Hanguang-jun, this humble one begs you.' Well, my curiosity is certainly piqued." A few months after the events of Guanyin Temple, Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji take on a night hunt of an unusual sort: The Burial Mounds are spreading, quickly and with no apparent explanation. In Wei Wuxian, it brings old, long-buried things bubbling to the surface.

bruce wayne maintains a presence on all conspiracy theory boards with the screen name BruceWayneIsTheBatman and all his posts have titles like “BRUCE WAINE IS BAT-MAN INDISPUTABLE PROOF” and it’s just a picture of Bruce Wayne from the back next to a picture of Batman from behind and they both have the contours of their butt drawn on in a shitty MSPaint red line (note: Bruce is in a suit and Batman has a cape, neither of their butts are clearly discernible) and the quote “THE BUTTS MATCH!!! THE FACTS DON’T LIE!!!!!” and he makes at least three of these posts a day, and “Bruce Wayne is the Batman” becomes a meme a la “Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer” and he gets asked about it on a talk show and he laughs uproariously at the idea and Stephen Colbert just HAPPENS to have a batman mask under the desk and they do a bit together where Bruce Wayne puts on the mask and walks around saying things like “excuse me, bank robbers, can I perhaps offer you some money to stop you robbing this bank?” and “I say, cease and desist your criminal behavior or I’ll have my butler ask you to leave” and the audience is LOSING THEIR MINDS laughing at the idea of this pampered rich guy taking on the Joker on a bi-weekly basis and then anyone who suggests “Bruce Wayne is Batman” in earnest gets met with mocking “oh man do the butts match” comments

Really pretty jewelry

When Ed passes through the Gate, he comes out the other side with more than just knowledge.

Wen Qing ✓ @qingwenn Listen, kids. You might think you know everything there is to know about yourself but you really don’t. Be willing to grow and learn from your mistakes. Yes this is about the fact that I once dated a man and am now married to a woman. wei ying ✓ @wei_wifi @qingwenn are u saying that dating jiang cheng was a mistake Wen Qing ✓ @qingwenn This is, in fact, exactly what I’m saying. Jiang Wanyin ✓ @JiangCheng @qingwenn What the fuck, dude