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“Who are you?” asked the half-masked, hooded figure in all white. The one who held a sword at his throat. “Wei Ying, at your service,” he answered with all the pleasant charm he could muster, but the firm line of the stranger’s mouth remained still. “I’m here for the sword tournament?” he tried again. “The gates closed an hour ago.” “And isn’t it rather fortunate that I’m past the gates?” “You infiltrated your way in.” Wei Wuxian made a show of aghast denial. “You must’ve confused me with someone else.” “I saw you.” (Wei Wuxian is a wandering swordsman, Lan Wangji is a Prince in disguise, and there's a sword tournament.)

“I want tea.” Wei Wuxian blinked. “What?” “My wish. I want tea,” Lan Zhan elaborated. Not that it made it any less confusing. “Tea?” A nod. “You have the opportunity to obtain absolute power, and you wish for… tea?” “The perfect tea is hard to come by.” (or twelve wishes Wei Wuxian granted, and one wish he couldn’t, but still came true.)

Modern Cultivators AU. Lan Wangji finds Wei Wuxian pajamas to wear and coaxes him into them, wide plaid pants in dark blue and white and a t-shirt with two rabbits on it. Wei Wuxian looks down on the shirt and smiles for the first time all evening. "Lan Zhan, do all you pajamas have rabbits on them?" Lan Wangji thinks about lying, but it would be foolish when Wei Wuxian is standing right next to the proof. He inclines his head slightly. "I like rabbits," he says. Wei Wuxian blinks and then he smiles a little wider.

After thirteen years away, Dr. Wei Wuxian is back in Gusu. A car accident near his apartment brings someone unexpected back into his life and everything changes for the better.

i was worried my cat is dehydrated because i never see him drink water so i’ve started leaving a cup of water that’s “mine” (aka he sees me drink out of it once before he does) in my room so he thinks he is being a rebellious naughty by drinking out of it but rlly he is just following my plan & being hydrated . -- God in the Garden of Eden

It's a tale as old as time. Boy moves back to the city he'd fled years before. Boy meets superhero. Superhero saves boy's life. Superhero accidentally breaks the front window of boy's place of employment. (Lan Wangji just wants to retire from hero work and live a quiet life. Fate, however, has other ideas.)

It’s a really unfortunate thing, developing a crush on your husband. Wei Ying had assumed this would be easy. Lan Zhan had been so icy and unpleasant to him, it had never occurred to him that he might end up spending the next however many years with this dumb, burning feeling in his chest whenever he looks at him. “Okay,” says Wei Ying. “But tell me if I…if the pretending gets to be too hard, okay?” “It will not,” says Lan Zhan, quietly certain.

child handling for the childless nurse

Attempt the impossible was still the maxim by which he lived. And really, what was more impossible than traveling back in time? (Or Wei Wuxian uses a powerful array to go back in time and builds a secret squad to prevent the misfortunes of the future.)

Time travel from the outsider perspective mostly looks like you somehow missed *a lot* of character and relationship development. AKA, that time sixteen-year-old Wei WuXian showed up at Cloud Recesses, took one look at Lan WangJi and declared, "That's my future husband!" ... and Lan WangJi said, "Mm"

do you ever think about chuck palahniuk writing “we don’t have a great war in our generation, or a great depression… the great depression is our lives” in the early 1990s as a young gay man living in america at the peak of the aids epidemic like i know the main thing i’ve seen people talk about is the obvious homoeroticism between the narrator and tyler and, y’know, how a fight club is the epitome of constructing intricate rituals which allow you to touch the skin of other men BUT if you think about it in the context of the time palahniuk was living in as a gay man there is SO much more to it than that he wrote a book that’s all about grappling with death and pain and wanting to take them into your own hands… literally the first line of the book ends with “the first step to eternal life is you have to die.” it’s the narrator visiting all these different support groups for different diseases like cancers and blood parasites as a ~tourist in order to feel healthy and alive and free (note: most people who died of aids didn’t die of the virus itself but of opportunistic infections and aids-related cancers). it’s about how “on a long enough time line, everyone’s survival rate drops to zero.” like yes it’s intricate rituals, but it’s very specifically men sharing bodily fluids and blood. it’s about reclaiming death and using it as a symbol. it’s about feeling abandoned and forgotten and ignored by the establishment and wanting to burn everything down because of that, about an entire generation of gay men trapped in a great spiritual depression, waging a war, a revolution, for their lives but one that was not acknowledged publicly for years while they suffered. it’s about living double lives, becoming someone Different under the cover of darkness, someone Stronger and Braver who could rage against the system the way you never even dreamed of doing in the daylight it’s about being a member of A Club (where the initiation is a kiss that burns your skin) that exists everywhere and nowhere, and being able to immediately pick out someone else who’s In The Club just by looking at them even though no one around you has a clue, and you just nod at each other and acknowledge your shared experience and save your actual interactions for secret back rooms and basements—except pretty soon other people can tell there’s something Unsavory going on with you because you start exhibiting physical signs that you can’t hide anymore including bloody lesions on your face. literally every line of this book (and the film) mean More if you read it through this lens. “you aren’t your name. you aren’t your family. … everything you ever love will reject you or die.” taking the sentence “i am the toxic waste byproduct of God’s creation” that is the worst thing anyone could fear about themselves (and like.. it’s literally homophobia. especially re: gay men during the aids crisis) and weaponizing it because it means you have nothing to lose. tyler saying fuck the police and telling the police commissioner that “the people you’re trying to step on, we’re everyone you depend on. we’re the people who do your laundry and cook your food and serve your dinner. we make your bed. we guard you while you’re asleep.” anyways it’s not just homoerotic, it’s gay in a very specific way grounded very specifically in the moment in time when it was written and in the generational trauma of the aids crisis thanks for coming to my ted talk

High Fantasy/Science Fiction AU. The cot looked like a death trap. It was held together by a bunch of leather straps connected to a metal frame. Even with a mattress put on top it looked like a torture device. "If I die in the night, I will come back to haunt you," Wei Wuxian said, eyeing it. "It is not for you," Lan Wangji said. "What? I'm a prisoner. Of course I'm taking the cot." "You are a guest and you are taking the bed." "I'm not taking the bed. Come on, I can't let you sleep on that. If you die everyone will blame me." "I will not die."

Lan Zhan finds out. It changes everything.

"Tell Lan Zhan that I'm weeping uncontrollably," Wei Wuxian says to the juniors. "Tell him I'm truly pitiful and he needs to do everything I say until I'm well again." Lan Congyi is in the middle of carefully holding his eyelids open to check his pupils, but he still obeys, bless him. "Hanguang-Jun, Senior Wei would like us to tell you that he can't stop crying and he'd like for you to do everything he says until he's better." There's a moment of silence, and then Lan Congyi says to Wei Wuxian, "Hanguang-Jun says he already does everything you tell him." -- Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji find themselves cursed, unable to see or hear each other. They figure things out anyway.

wait marriage story is a real movie that they actually called “marriage story” like that is the title of the film that they came up with and decided was good……………. i mean you have to laugh, right? --- kylo stans are hunting me for sport as we speak for making the following post but i have now watched the trailer and some clips from marriage story and there is no sum of money you could ever pay me to sit through 2 hours and 17 minutes of adam driver and scarjo scream yelling at each other while critics say they’re being “raw” for knowing how to cry on command. when i go for surgery in the spring i’m going to tell my doctor i won’t need any anesthetic and he can just play me this movie and my brain will be so understimulated i will blackout because unconsciousness would be better than that level of sheer boredom. can somebody please tell me where the creative genius or academy award level acting is in this movie because even in the clips that are supposed to be showcasing exactly that i feel like gordon ramsey talking to some american restaurant owner who is lying to my face about the quality of their food after i have already tasted it. movies where people have to yell at each other should be banned if you can’t find another way to show emotion then you couldn’t do it in the first place. fuck twitter for telling me this movie exists it is a blight on my life and either of them get an oscar for it that blight will exist for all time

it also stresses me out when vampires just bite someone and they bleed ALL over the place and the vampire has their mouth on the bite for like ONE SECOND then comes away COVERED in blood and drops the person to the floor and then they go and kill like 2 MORE PEOPLE LIKE!!!! imagine if you went out with your friend and bought a can of pepsi, shook it up real good, opened it, and just let it fuckin’ rip directly into your face for a good ten seconds with your mouth wide open, then dropped the can of whatever’s left on the floor and were like “damn….if only I didn’t need 5 cans of pepsi a day to get my fix.” YOU!!!!! DON’T!

or, Catharsis: The Fic In which Wei Wuxian, shortly after being called into Mo Xuanyu’s body, is further forced into the past, where he proceeds to tumble his way into absolutely nailing a time travel fix-it.

There weren't a lot of lines that Neil refused to cross. He lied. He stole. He killed when necessary. There was one line that Neil had promised himself that he would never let himself be pushed over. Neil refused to die in front of Riko Moriyama. /////////////// Gladiator AU

Yarn website suggestions

It starts with a bet. All mistakes, Wei Wuxian thinks, start with a bet. It’s starts with a bet and ends with Wei Wuxian losing everything. Nine years ago, Wei Wuxian made a bet with disastrous consequences. Now, he is part-owner of the popular and eclectic Yiling Cafe, years and miles away from his old life, making the best of things and trying to leave the past where it belongs. When Lan Wangji walks into his cafe by accident, Wei Wuxian finds himself doing what he thought he'd never do again; reclaiming some small part of his past, and hoping for a future he'd given up as lost.

Tomorrow is Chinese New Year, which means Wei Wuxian has to get all of his bad decisions out of the way tonight.

peter parker: damn where are we now? miles morales: oh sweet this is the universe where we're French peter parker: the what pierre par coeur: Sacrébleu qui sont ces gens kilométres morales: je ne sais pas miles morales: so cool peter parker: what the fuck

i literally cant fucking stand that part in naruto when hes trying to learn to walk on water and his teacher (not jiraiya the other guy) keeps yelling at him how hes not trying hard enough and then internally is like “its probably the nine tails energy that makes him have a hard time regulating his chakra” LIKE THATS RELEVANT INFORMATION YOU COULD FUCKING SHARE WITH HIM?????? and then as soon as jiraiya fixes narutos seal naruto is able to regulate his chakra control so much better and can instantly walk on water and jiraiyas just like “haha yeah i just loosened ur muscles” instead of informing him that his chakra was just fucked up from reasons beyond his control because nobody in this fucking series feels the need to tell naruto that hes working with two hands tied behind his back and what he achieves is amazing and that things are difficult for a reason NOT because hes not putting in enough effort

It can’t be that bad, he thinks. There’s no way he would have done that. But the doubt still lingers, turning into full-blown anxiety as he scrolls down his twitter feed, finally arriving on his latest tweet. Lan WangJi ✔ @lan_wangji Some of you have never fallen in love with a boy only for him to go missing after his parents die and pine away for three years waiting for him to come back, then continue to pine when he’s back after you realize you’re too scared to confess, and it shows. 23,043 retweets | 73,328 likes Lan Zhan’s face pales and he buries his head in his hands, letting his phone drop on the table. This is bad. This is very, very bad. - Or, Lan Wangji gets drunk and tweets a love confession, Wei Wuxian panics, and all of twitter decides to matchmake Lan Wangji and his mystery guy.

Wei WuXian’s first scolding at the Cloud Recesses’ summer program for gifted young musicians comes from another student.

Rogue One quotes It's become fashionable in some quarters to claim Jyn Erso went to Scarif intending to die a martyr - that she realized she had lost everything and chose her path by it's inevitable end. I will dispute this claim until my own dying days. I think Jyn fully recognized who she was and sought a way to channel her best and worst impulses, her darkest moments and her brightest, toward a cause worthy of her true incandescence. In a kinder universe, she would have walked away from Scarif. I cannot imagine who she would have become, but I think she would have been extraordinary. I am grateful I knew her, no matter how short a time —"Unpublished Reflections on Jyn Erso", Mon Mothma (from the Rogue One novelization)

Lan Wangji is, for some contrived reason, dragged to a strip club and forced to confront his own repression. Wei Wuxian is, due to Lan Wangji's inexplicably terrible luck, also in his class.

I don't need a parachute, baby, if I've got you.

The first time I heard the word ‘Hogwarts’ and it actually registered, I was fifteen, halfway through my second apprenticeship, and I sat down very hard. For almost a full hour. Then I ‘ported to my mother’s place. She took one look at me and steered me to sit down in the kitchen, shoving my head between my knees till she could get me a compress and a mug of sweet tea. “What did you Remember?” she asked. I made vague groaning noises and tilted my head up enough to gulp some tea. Where to begin? “I remembered a book,” I said haltingly. “In the book. There was a school. The school was called ‘Hogwarts’ and they taught magic. It was an adventure series, centered on a boy and his friends. I loved the books. Devoured them. I had forgotten.” “Why are you so upset about Remembering this?” I pulled the compress from my face. “Mom, Hogwarts is a real school here.”

He’s nine, maybe, hadn’t really kept track of his own age at that time. With a little more than two years ‘til the Chūnin Exam, and barely any recollection of how he even got here in the first place, what is Gaara even supposed to do? [alternatively: with no plans or, ultimately, resources past his arguably faulty knowledge of how everything came to happen, Gaara is sent back to the past to change the future as he knows it]