Import

The Lightwood family used to be an up and coming power in the criminal underworld. Now Robert and Maryse are in prison, Alec has become a law-abiding citizen, and Isabelle is trying to hold together what’s left of the family business while navigating an increasingly complicated romance with a beautiful artist who happens to be the daughter of a cop. And then a battered former spy named Magnus Bane comes crashing into their lives and turns everything upside-down… (A Burn Notice AU)

“You’ve spent ten years running from me,” said Jareth. “Now, how would you like to run for me?”   In which Sarah accidentally gets a job offer, acquires far too many interns and becomes a professional labyrinth runner.

“Pepper, today I met my arch nemesis.” “Again? Really? Is this another Justin Hammer situation?” --- “I don’t hate him, Buck. He’s just some rich kid that’s being forced to do charity work by his dad. It just pisses me off that he doesn’t actually care. You know how much stuff like this means to me.” --- Or: A Steve/Tony College AU. Tony attempts to “reform” his public image by doing charity work. Steve volunteers at said charity. They meet and kind of hate each other. Then, somehow, they end up friends. And one day Tony realizes he might be a little bit in love with Steve, which wouldn’t be that bad if Steve weren’t pretty much straight. Next comes a bet, a kiss, a minor sexuality crisis, a secret relationship, and a whole lot of boys being stupidly repressed about their feelings.

"You can't be serious." Jonathan Sims raises his eyes at last to properly look at Georgie, expecting her to laugh and make some quip about finally getting him to put the damn book down, at least. "Well, I am," she shoots back. He sets his book aside and turns fully towards her, betrayal clear on his face. "A blind date, really?" Jon makes the frankly terrible decision to go on a blind date with one Martin Blackwood. Fate ensues. AU where Jon and Georgie are still friends, Georgie likes finding dates for her friends, Martin doesn't work at the institute, and everyone is just a bit happier while canon spooky stuff goes on in the background. Takes place juuust barely pre-canon in the beginning but catches up quickly.

“You can’t really blame him,” Ronan hears Adam shifting on the other end of the call, like he’s moving into a more comfortable position. “You’re using your phone. Willingly. That’s gotta be, like, a sign of the apocalypse, or something.” -or- Ronan gets Instagram.

the reason i secretly like holiday meet-cute movies is not because they’re romantic. it’s because of their ludicrous, BALLS TO THE WALL insistence that there are VERY REAL and VERY POWERFUL SUPERNATURAL FORCES that will go to ANY McFUCKIN LENGTH to make wishes come true. like i have seen less commitment to magic as a plot device in actual genre fantasy media. almost literally every holiday movie is like: secretly tenderhearted heroine who puts on a chilly facade because of her previous Disappointments: oh well. i know it’s silly to dream, because…. because holiday magic isn’t… real holiday magic, bolting upright in rage: the FUCK i AIN’T secretly tenderhearted heroine who used to love christmas but hasn’t been back to the farmhouse for years: i just don’t have time to fall in love, especially not… at this time of year… holiday magic, flinging her soulmate from a whole other century bodily over the windshield of her car: INCOMING, BITCH

“Who are you?” Wymack says gruffly, but in a tone that Neil doesn’t think is accusatory. “This is Neil,” Allison says, appearing from somewhere else, managing, somehow, not to look ruffled in the least despite running around all morning. “He’s been running the lights, and he’s brilliant.” “I didn’t give you the job.” “No,” Neil responds, after a slight hesitation. “We needed an extra set of hands, and Neil was outside.” “He’s a stray?” Wymack asks, and Allison nods. “Of course he is. You the one who’s been making Minyard actually play his part occasionally?” Neil shrugs, then nods. He doesn’t really think anyone can make Andrew Minyard do anything, but the statement is more true than not. “Huh,” Wymack says. “Alright. You let me know if you need anything, and see if you can convince him to act rather than just speak.” “Pretty tall order,” Neil mutters. Wymack snorts out a laugh. “Don’t I know it.”

An accomplished FBI agent. A young runaway who is more than he appears to be. A serial killer that's haunted both of them for years. The City of Angels just got a lot more interesting.

In Ketterdam’s pleasure district you can find anyone. A wayward son trying to escape his past. A pampered noblewoman who chose a different life. A recovering addict who can’t turn down a bet. A stranded pirate in need of a boat. A deserter who is looking for a place to belong. A Grisha assassin who wants to be a better person. A convict looking to regain her life. A runaway who has become a killer. A survivor who has become something worse. These fractured isolationists must cooperate and trust each other to achieve their goals. An impossible heist with a big payout. A revenge scheme years in the making. A high stakes con that could start a war if it goes wrong. They probably deserve better, but if they got what they deserved then they wouldn’t be Foxes. A Six of Crows AU where the Foxes are a gang, Neil’s good at disappearing, and Andrew Minyard is the Bastard of the Barrel.

"What part of yourself did you have to destroy in order to survive in the world this year? But most importantly: what have you found to be unkillable?"

candle based off your birth date

The Planet makes a simple plan, but chooses a complicated hero.

the Ostrich is what happens when Evolution really really wants to make a horse, but all it has to work with is a vulture. but Evolution wants a horse, so by god this vulture is going to become a fucking horse. and hey presto! THAT’S HOW YOU GET THE OSTRICH. the result is an animal that looks like it was cobbled together from spare parts. it has a tiny naked head and huge cartoon eyeballs (among the largest of any land animal!) and a long and equally naked neck. meanwhile the rest of the Ostrich looks like a dinosaur got caught in some kind of horrific pillow factory accident. but it doesn’t matter that you look like a goofy bastard if you’re also a 300-pound nightmare horsebird!

They have Shepard’s pie for dinner. Ron and Hermione watch Harry fill up his plate and only start serving themselves when he picks up his fork and starts eating. Neville laughs into his wine glass. “How are you dealing with their mothering, Harry?” he asks. Ron opens and closes his mouth for a minute, groping for an excuse. Eventually, Ron says, “He’s just so small, Nev.” “Hey,” Harry says. “I’m seventeen. I’m an adult.” Ron shakes his head at Neville. “My best friend is an infant.”   A curse regresses Harry to his seventeen year old self, physically and mentally. He doesn’t recognise this strange peaceful wizarding world, but there are two people he does recognise: Ron and Hermione.

He wanted someone to purposefully touch him. To touch him and have it mean something. Friendship. Lust. Anything. Which is how he got to be here. Too scared and stupid to let himself make any real friends, friends who might hug him. Resigned to downloading a hook up app because he was also too scared and stupid to date, to open himself up to any kind of knowing that wasn’t physical.   A typo leads to a hookup, leads to, uhhhh, romance?????

The Foxes, a mixed indoor netball team, aren't having the best season. New recruit Neil Josten is a beacon of hope for the struggling team, but they know something is missing, and the answer lies in a poor attitude wearing a blue GK bib.

The third time Nicky asks him about it, he says, “I am already dating someone.” This is a lie. Nicky’s face unfurls like a clearing sky, eyes widening and jaw dropping. “You don’t say! Who is it?” Andrew’s mind flies in a thousand different ways, grasping for an answer, a diversion, another lie. Out of the corner of his eye, he glimpses Neil walking out of the locker room, hair damp and bag slung over his shoulder. “Neil,” Andrew tells Nicky, and Nicky gawps, shocked and famished for more information. “I am dating Neil,” Andrew says. (or: in which Andrew and Neil - due to purely rational, strategical, and beneficial reasons - convince everybody that they are dating)

When Aaron didn't get offered an exy scholarship while Andrew did, they came up with a plan. Andrew would play exy and Aaron would go to class. No one would ever know that they were actually two separate people. What could possibly go wrong?

Andrew Minyard’s foolproof ten step plan guaranteed to run your enemies out of town forever (results may vary).

Neil's just been unceremoniously dumped by his longtime boyfriend before a busy wedding season where it seems like everyone he knows is tying the knot. Desperate not to look like a pathetic loser in front of his ex, he goes along with a plan to bring along a fake boyfriend to the weddings. Since neither Neil nor his date Andrew are interested in pursuing a relationship, there's no chance that anyone's feelings will be hurt. Surely nothing about this plan will backfire.

This time is blessed and shining, almost blinding bright. Harry Potter vid

Summer Olympics: Who can run the fastest? :) Who can swim the fastest? :) Who can do the best somersault? :)  Winter Olympics: WHO CAN MAKE IT TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS ICE SLIDE OF DEATH AND SURVIVE?? WHO CAN GET AROUND THE RINK WITHOUT GETTING THEIR HANDS SLICED OFF BY EVERYONE ELSE’S FEET BLADES?? CAN THIS GUY DO A 1080 DEGREE FLIP WITHOUT DYING?? 

u ever talk to a business major and ur like “so what do you do?” and they fuckin say something like “i work in aggregate client centric business executive content data management logistics analytics development” like sir none of those words have definitions 

Me: Oh wow this shop has everything my heart desires! Spooky Shopkeeper: Yes I will warn you...every item comes with a price Me: yes I know how shops work ---- Spooky Shopkeeper: The price may be more than you expect to pay. Me: Yes, I know how US taxes work, too. --- Shopkeeper, increasingly exasperated: I’m trying to tell you that I’m evil and offering these wares with no regard for the harm they will do! Me, also increasingly exasperated: I know what capitalism is too goddammit

i love jane eyre but honestly imagine being friends with that bitch. like imagine trying to convince her to leave rochester and she’s like idk and you’re like he called u ugly???? he keeps his secret wife locked in the attic???? wake up???? and then you think she finally has it sorted out and she calls you a few months later like “his wife killed herself and burned down the house so it’s cool we’re getting married” like !!!!!!!!!!!! HOW DO YOU GO TO THAT WEDDING!!!!!!

Some people are born with soulmarks. Zuko has them, but his grandfather burned them off because they "make you weak." Team Avatar has a few things to say about that.

There’s a new god in the pantheon; Andrew remembers hearing about the scandal a while back, the newest Demeter having a child with the current Zeus and then going on the run, child in tow. They call him Persephone, the god of springtime and new life, the antithesis of Andrew's realm. It would be ludicrous of Perspehone to ever interact with Andrew at all. If only someone told Persephone that. -- “Hades, right?” Persephone asks. “Andrew,” Andrew responds, and Persephone hums. “Nice to meet you, Andrew. I’m Neil,” Neil responds. Andrew cuts a look sideways to see Neil watching him, something assessing in his gaze. Andrew nods in response. “I have to say, you’re not nearly as scary as everyone says you are,” Neil continues. “You barely know me. Give it time,” Andrew says, because the rumors don’t exaggerate. People fear him for good reason. “I’d like to, I think,” Neil says. Andrew quirks an eyebrow at him. “Know you,” Neil clarifies. Before Andrew can think of a response, Neil’s head turns. “I have to go. Zeus called for me, and he’ll notice if I’m missing. Thanks for the cigare

cool HP merchandise

Tywin Lannister discovers the true identity of his cup bearer at Harrenhal. Now, with another bargaining chip in his possession, he has a chance to turn the war. Arya Stark, despite her best efforts, falls back into the Game of Thrones. To survive in a lion's den, a wolf has no choice but to adapt.

Andrew only needed a few minutes to determine that Neil Josten was going to get under his skin. He just didn’t foresee exactly how deep.