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Haves and choices | everything changes
Haves and choices | everything changes

None of these choices will exactly halt the machinery of capitalism in its inevitable march through our lives. Most of them won’t even noticeably slow it down. But what happens when you refuse to acknowledge your own choices is you eventually forget who you are: you become accustomed to having so much decided for you that you forget what it means to decide for yourself. You have a hard time knowing what it is that you want, because it isn’t presented to you as an available option. Refusing your own agency time and again is like disconnecting from a power source—the energy is still there, latent and ready, but the plug dangles inches from the outlet.

None of these choices will exactly halt the machinery of capitalism in its inevitable march through our lives. Most of them won’t even noticeably slow it down. But what happens when you refuse to acknowledge your own choices is you eventually forget who you are: you become accustomed to having so much decided for you that you forget what it means to decide for yourself. You have a hard time knowing what it is that you want, because it isn’t presented to you as an available option. Refusing your own agency time and again is like disconnecting from a power source—the energy is still there, latent and ready, but the plug dangles inches from the outlet.
·everythingchanges.us·
Haves and choices | everything changes
You Think You're Not That Ambitious. Are You Dead Wrong About That?
You Think You're Not That Ambitious. Are You Dead Wrong About That?
The surest sign that you’re incredibly ambitious is a complete and total lack of ambition on all fronts.
Being an overachieving perfectionist becomes worse and worse over the years, in other words, because it turns every source of joy into a source of self-hatred and failure. Aiming for perfect, aiming to be the best, sorting through data to see who’s better, setting impossible goals for yourself: These are poisonous habits that destroy your relationship to your own body, block you from the small pleasures of your day, and leach the natural optimism from your cells.
Every time you check in with yourself, you help yourself. Every time you ignore an old, warped story about what your sensations and feelings mean, you improve your connection to your body. It sounds obvious, of course! But it’s exactly what the perfectionist overachiever — even the one hiding inside that aging stoner on the couch playing Assassin’s Creed for the third hour in a row — doesn’t remember to do. PERFECTIONISTS IGNORE THEIR BODIES, EMOTIONS, AND SENSATIONS. SECRETLY AMBITIOUS SLACKERS IGNORE THEIR TRUEST DESIRES AND PASSIONS.
·ask-polly.com·
You Think You're Not That Ambitious. Are You Dead Wrong About That?
mma González: A Young Activist’s Advice: Vote, Shave Your Head and Cry Whenever You Need To (NYT)
mma González: A Young Activist’s Advice: Vote, Shave Your Head and Cry Whenever You Need To (NYT)
People say, “I don’t play the politics game, I don’t pay attention to politics” — well, the environment is getting poisoned, families are getting pulled apart and deported, prisons are privatized, real-life Nazis live happily among us, Native Americans are so disenfranchised our country is basically still colonizing them, Puerto Rico has been abandoned, the American education system has been turned into a business, and every day 96 people get shot and killed. You might not be a big fan of politics, but you can still participate. All you need to do is vote for people you believe will work on these issues, and if they don’t work the way they should, then it is your responsibility to call them, organize a town hall and demand that they show up — hold them accountable. It’s their job to make our world better.
·nytimes.com·
mma González: A Young Activist’s Advice: Vote, Shave Your Head and Cry Whenever You Need To (NYT)
Heidi Grant: How to Make Yourself Work When You Just Don’t Want To (Harvard Business Review)
Heidi Grant: How to Make Yourself Work When You Just Don’t Want To (Harvard Business Review)
This article offers three reasons and three solutions: “thinking about the consequences of failure, ignoring your feelings, and engaging in detailed planning.” Summarized in edited excerpts here: 1. Reason: You are putting something off because you are afraid you will screw it up. Solution: Adopt a “prevention focus.” Instead of thinking about how you can end up better off, you see the task as a way to hang on to what you’ve already got—to avoid loss. 2. Reason: You are putting something off because you don’t “feel” like doing it. Solution: Ignore your feelings. They’re getting in your way. If you are sitting there, putting something off because you don’t feel like it, remember that you don’t actually need to feel like it. There is nothing stopping you. 3. Reason: You are putting something off because it’s hard, boring, or otherwise unpleasant. Solution: Use if-then planning. Making an if-then plan is more than just deciding what specific steps you need to take to complete a project – it’s also deciding where and when you will take them. By deciding in advance exactly what you’re going to do, and when and where you’re going to do it, there’s no deliberating when the time comes. It’s when we deliberate that willpower becomes necessary to make the tough choice. But if-then plans dramatically reduce the demands placed on your willpower, by ensuring that you’ve made the right decision way ahead of the critical moment. In fact, if-then planning has been shown in over 200 studies to increase rates of goal attainment and productivity by 200%-300% on average.
·getpocket.com·
Heidi Grant: How to Make Yourself Work When You Just Don’t Want To (Harvard Business Review)
Jeremy Gordon: A Completely Subjective Do’s and Don'ts Guide to Freelancing
Jeremy Gordon: A Completely Subjective Do’s and Don'ts Guide to Freelancing
This is from a freelancer writer, not a web developer, but most of the principles still apply. • DO: Wake up early • DO: Cultivate multiple interests so you are widely hirable • DO: Build a good network of friends doing the same thing as you • DO: Read the comments and grow a thick skin (I don't know about this one…) • DO: Respect your editor • DO: Stand up for yourself; the people who hire you are not right by default • DO: Ask for your money • DO: Buy business cards • DO: Be positive and supportive • DON'T: Push yourself to do too much or something you're not ready for • DON'T: Read the comments (enough to build confidence, then never again) • DON'T: Pitch stories to your friends who are editors, it'll make it weird • DON'T: Be jealous
·airgordon.tumblr.com·
Jeremy Gordon: A Completely Subjective Do’s and Don'ts Guide to Freelancing
Adam Coti: Twenty Years as a Freelance Web Developer: Wisdom Gained and Lessons Learned (CSS-Tricks)
Adam Coti: Twenty Years as a Freelance Web Developer: Wisdom Gained and Lessons Learned (CSS-Tricks)
Basically: • Be reliable • Communicate when things are going wrong • Be ‘a generalist who specializes’ • Don’t diversify—you can't handle that much work at once • Build a network from home: talk yourself up, have a website, use LinkedIn • Don’t be afraid to ask for a lot of money and negotiate down from there • Save *at least* six months of reserve funds • Take breaks and leave the house • Create projects that are rewarding and challenging to teach yourself things and stay motivated
·css-tricks.com·
Adam Coti: Twenty Years as a Freelance Web Developer: Wisdom Gained and Lessons Learned (CSS-Tricks)
Dear Fuck-Up: How do you live when everything sucks?
Dear Fuck-Up: How do you live when everything sucks?
Mental illness is a very much a matter of physiology and not one of will. Anyone who tells you to just try yoga or change your diet or think happier thoughts should have their teeth turn to ashes in their mouth. And I understand the importance of destigmatizing mental illness by rendering it within a medical framework. For too long we have viewed it as a moral indictment, to disastrous effect. However, I also think this tends to throw a certain responsibility back onto those of us who struggle with it. Yes, my own personal brain chemistry is something I must reckon with, but doing so while navigating a cruel health care system, with the goal of remaining healthy enough to face a laughably uncertain financial future, all in service to surviving a world that is everywhere immiserating, hardly seems a good way to answer “how do I live.” The best answer I’ve managed to come up with is that you live with intention of making that question easier for other people to answer. For me, the worst aspect of chronic depression (besides the boredom of it all) is the urge to be alone. If you’ve read my previous columns, you’ll notice that I almost always find a way to bring up our beholdenness to others. This is because I’m a lazy writer, but also because the fact of mutual obligation is what gives me the motivation to write at all. It’s also what animates any politics worth having.
·theoutline.com·
Dear Fuck-Up: How do you live when everything sucks?
Lara Hogan: Feedback Equation
Lara Hogan: Feedback Equation
As I mention in my book Demystifying Public Speaking, humans are mostly bad at giving feedback. We’re also really bad at preparing ourselves to receive feedback. 1. Make observation 2. Explain impact 3. Ask a question or make a request
·larahogan.me·
Lara Hogan: Feedback Equation
Lily Benson: How to Fight Depression
Lily Benson: How to Fight Depression
It has been a long goddamn winter. (At least it has here on the Eastern Seaboard of the United States, i.e. the center of the known universe.) If you and your people are anything like me and mine, all your conversations over the past few months have tended towards serious discussions of the end times—which, for the naturally melancholic among us, can be a strange comfort. "Finally," you may have thought, "people get it! I'm not alone!" But now the sun has started to come out, and today you looked around and saw all the people smiling and frolicking, and the birds were singing about how much they want to have sex with each other, and you were like, "Oh, goddammit. Why do I still feel like garbage?"
·adequateman.deadspin.com·
Lily Benson: How to Fight Depression
Frank Chimero: Three Things to Say
Frank Chimero: Three Things to Say
“I usually xyz, unless you recommend something else…” “Can you say that in more/different words?” “I don’t know.” Good advice for any professional or non-intimate situation, not just ‘in the city’ as Frank writes.
·frankchimero.com·
Frank Chimero: Three Things to Say
Cecily Carver: Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me When I Was Learning How to Code
Cecily Carver: Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me When I Was Learning How to Code
You’ll hit this wall no matter what “learn to code” program you follow, and the only way to get past it is to persevere. This means you keep trying new things, learning more information, and figuring out, piece by piece, how to build your project. You’re a lot more likely to find success in the end if you have a clear idea of why you’re learning to code in the first place.
·medium.com·
Cecily Carver: Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me When I Was Learning How to Code
Linda Holmes: Hey, Kid: Thoughts For The Young Oddballs We Need So Badly (NPR)
Linda Holmes: Hey, Kid: Thoughts For The Young Oddballs We Need So Badly (NPR)
Learn the difference between feedback and criticism. Feedback is primarily for you; criticism (in the sense of "a movie critic" or "an arts critic") is primarily not. Criticism is part of an ongoing cultural conversation that's designed to make everybody smarter and better and more thoughtful and to advance the art form itself; it's done even when the creator of a piece is long dead. It's not really for you. Feedback, on the other hand, is aimed at you to make you better, and that's the only kind of feedback worth paying attention to. If you can't listen to it and take it in without your hackles rising, you will never become good. Period, boom, g'bye.
·npr.org·
Linda Holmes: Hey, Kid: Thoughts For The Young Oddballs We Need So Badly (NPR)
Grimes: Claire, are you ever scared of anything?
Grimes: Claire, are you ever scared of anything?
If doing what you want is an option for you, you should do it, because your one of the few lucky people who can. And even if you fail, you will be in a better position than if you’d never tried. The competition probably isn’t that crazy. Most people are too scared to even try. Bad things can happen, but every horrible thing that has ever happened to me has added integrity to my art and improved my understanding of the human race.
·actuallygrimes.tumblr.com·
Grimes: Claire, are you ever scared of anything?
Lindsay Zoladz: How To Not Not-Write
Lindsay Zoladz: How To Not Not-Write
Get a notebook and write at least a word in it every day. I am starting to think that the best advice—the only advice, maybe—you can give comes out of your own haphazard, irregular, lucky, accidental experience.
·lindsayzoladz.tumblr.com·
Lindsay Zoladz: How To Not Not-Write
Eric Harvey: What’s the best way to fight cynicism, or at least escape it? (Applies to dealing with other people’s cynicism and/or one’s own encroaching fears of giving into it.) (marathonpacks Tumblr)
Eric Harvey: What’s the best way to fight cynicism, or at least escape it? (Applies to dealing with other people’s cynicism and/or one’s own encroaching fears of giving into it.) (marathonpacks Tumblr)
Cynicism is more or less the act of giving in to one’s basest insecurities and fears—or buying into those of others, it’s inherently dialogical, as is everything IMO—and letting them guide your actions. In other words, everything gets filtered through the “ugh” and “siiiigh” filters, and it’s impossible for one to do most anything productive when buried waist-deep in that sort of shit. You’re consistently pushing outward at ostensibly negative forces that are collapsing in on you, and you’re wiring your brain to think that this is the only way of doing things. Everything is always already bad.
·marathonpacks.tumblr.com·
Eric Harvey: What’s the best way to fight cynicism, or at least escape it? (Applies to dealing with other people’s cynicism and/or one’s own encroaching fears of giving into it.) (marathonpacks Tumblr)
Paul Graham: Good and Bad Procrastination
Paul Graham: Good and Bad Procrastination
"If you want to work on big things, you seem to have to trick yourself into doing it. You have to work on small things that could grow into big things, or work on successively larger things, or split the moral load with collaborators. It's not a sign of weakness to depend on such tricks. The very best work has been done this way."
·paulgraham.com·
Paul Graham: Good and Bad Procrastination