People are entitled to their taste and you can’t help who you fall in love with, right? Totally right! Except for this one, teensy, tiny exception: Race. Oh I’m sorry, did I say teensy tiny? I meant monumental and indicative of an entrenched and deeply troubling societal prejudice that we have been unable to overcome throughout the course of human history. … We are not the passive victims of our own internalized biases. We have governance over our actions. As author and psychologist James Giles writes, “That is not to say that romantic attraction is fully under our control, but only that it is not fully beyond our control.” So when are our love lives going to start reflecting that? Studies have shown that we are attracted to what we know and are used to, but as Deborah Ward writes, “Repeated exposure to certain people will increase our attraction toward them.” This means that a conscious change in behavior will impact subconscious desires.

I know dudes are reading this thinking I'm a hater, but I really do believe that consensual club flirting is a beautiful thing, and I partake all the time. Flirting should be fun—it's not an adversarial process unless you make it one. Don't treat us like bodyguards who are trying to keep you from having sex with us. We are us. So help us help you have a good time with us.