christian on X: "what's the best strategy for finding people who are intellectually curious, physically and mentally healthy, fun to go out with, good professionals, and with good character?" / X
keta on X: "this feels like an indictment on a shifting nature of friendship and social circle dynamics…. i care less about the absolute numbers but there must be a more insidious reason for why more people aren’t being introduced through mutual connections" / X
Visakan Veerasamy on Twitter / X
thread on modern dating
miri on Twitter / X
Passage from screenshot of book:
> > How could love be anything other than a rapture? "You should date," my mother says. "Meet someone nice." As if there's any correlation between this force, this feeling, and dating.
> > Oh, the interchangeable men on the Google Calendar-Chris, Pete, Rob, Malcolm-like so much bland litter; taking Ubers and Lyfts to restaurants and bars; doing the math to split the bill and match the tip with men who own bicycles more expensive than their furniture, men who are oddly puritanical about hops and vegetables, men who are boastful of their neuroses the trauma, the therapy, the meta-therapeutic rejection of therapy. One told me in earnest that it was important that I know right away, from the start, that he hated his mother. I just nodded over my Korean short rib, sipped my orange wine. Men so weak that I have to break up with myself for them. Sperm on crutches, Grandma Rose would've said.
(1) stud enthusiast on X: "a year long situationship not crazy right" / X
Shajedul Karim on X
@sashachapin yeah, it's like hitting the relationship jackpot, right? when you find someone who not just meets your needs but eagerly explores how to elevate your happiness constantly.
it's a two-player game where both are trying to win for the other.
wild, wonderful, and oh-so-rare.
Sasha Chapin on X
Omg, you can have a relationship where your partner is actively and intelligently and inventively striving to meet your needs on an ongoing basis, wtf
Ava on X
forget look gaps or iq gaps can we talk about interestingness gaps in relationships
Ava on Twitter
forget look gaps or iq gaps can we talk about interestingness gaps in relationships— Ava (@noampomsky) October 20, 2023
Sherry on Twitter
Dating is not meant to last: It either ends in marriage or it ends. Long, conflict-avoidant relationships that are dragged out in lukewarm confusion and kept for the sake of comfort rarely have happy endings. Be decisive, be wise, be serious, don’t rush, and have eyes wide open. https://t.co/MkVax1bGkS— Sherry (@SchrodingrsBrat) October 12, 2023
Alexander on X
This tweet shares a thread about a study which found that both physical attractiveness and nonverbal expressiveness (charisma) predict how much people like each other when first meeting and after several weeks of acquaintance. However, charisma becomes a more important factor over time as people get to know each other better.
Jessica on Twitter
One issue with "I'll just date a secure person" as a strategy for people with insecure attachment patterns is that the early dating process with a secure person actually feels a lot *less* secure than it does with someone who has complementarily insecure attachment patterns.— Jessica (@jessicamalonso) September 3, 2023
Vanessa Kisuule thread on perpetual singledom
“Will probably delete this but want to post for those who feel similar because it's maddening thinking you're the only one/one of very few. I am very sad about but making peace with the fact that romantic love is sthg that eludes some of us for reasons we cannot know or control.”
I am very sad about but making peace with the fact that romantic love is sthg that eludes some of us for reasons we cannot know or control.
whilst many people go in and out of relationships on some miraculous, regular wave, some of us have that happen rarely or not at all.
It is just bad luck. And luck can ofc turn on a dime. But it can also just go on like that, reliably & laughably shitty, for years or even decades. You can make yourself sick with hope, waste time & energy with your antenna raised whilst simultaneously pretending not to care.
This anxiety has generated a multi billion dollar industry of books/events/courses/apps claiming to have an answer. Attempts are made to lace singledom with some semblance of dignity or even gravitas. But we remain a species addicted to the salvation of romantic love.
The solutions peddled by apps & self help gurus work for some. But there is another experience, another rambling path: sad, difficult, ghostly, formative & continually humbling. Undisturbed, you learn to truly hear yourself and the tide of your thoughts, for better and for worse
The term relationship STATUS speaks volumes. It's as much about ego as anything else, wanting to signal to the world that s/o has freely elected to give your their time, care & attention. In lieu of meaningful community ties, this is the last bastion of relational safety.
It pierces you like a shard of glass some days: except for cursory hugs and handshakes signalling hello & goodbye, you haven't been touched, meaningfully, for months or perhaps even years.
You smother your libido such that sex reverts back to the slightly silly and gross act it seemed like when you first heard about it as a child. Better to be mildly disgusted by it than ache for it every day.
I'm not under any delusions about partnership. Like anything, it can be anti-climatic, banal, exposing, violent. Even when its lovely & loving, life still finds other ways of sneaking in its sucker punches. I know this. But still.
We each have our story of exclusion, our own private gulf of shame. Let it grow, not shrink, your heart. Its this sense of lack, the very thing that makes you feel hideous, that builds your empathy. We each have our crosses to bear and we must do so with grace & good humour.
Please don't send me platitudes or assurances that it will happen or that I am lovable/desirable. Those things are certainly true in abstract and I know that. I want to talk honestly about the feeling without people rushing me towards a solution or soothing balm.
I never used to let myself acknowledge the weight of sadness I felt around this. I thought it was above me & the brilliant life I've built. Too basic, too pathetic! But breaking news: I am made of the same soft, jelly-ish needs as anyone. Hate that for me tbh, but there you go.
Sometimes I wish it were an organ, this longing. Then I could neatly & efficiently cut it out of my body. The world is so big, so gorgeous, replete with issues that deserve our focus. I want to stop thinking about this so I can apply my full self to anything & everything else.
Kemi Marie (they/them) on Twitter
things to say about your dating preferences, basically immediately:-if you’re monogamous or poly.-if you’d like to date exclusively or if you’re open to you both dating (going on dates) with multiple ppl. -if you like to text frequently or are more absent. +— Kemi Marie (they/them) (@kemimarie) June 7, 2023
Carlos De la Guardia on Twitter
Went on a date. Didn’t feel a connection.Female friend argued I shouldn’t just move on, but say:“Thanks again for meeting up! I didn’t feel there was a match, but take care!”I wasn’t sure about it, but I sent the message, and my date hearted it! Directness ftw. 🤷♂️— Carlos De la Guardia (@dela3499) April 30, 2023