Posts

the group of guys guarding the subway entrance just threw an empty water bottle at my head but they missed ☝️😂☝️

niggas said im more important than biden https://t.co/AtL39O6Gym

just spent all morning writing a cover letter for a job posting that was taken down within the past 24hrs

...and here is my pregnant wife thinking she is sneaking up on me 😂😂😂 https://t.co/fLjGoRLItD

If I text you “👂☝️” it means you’re telling me now for the first time.✋😔🤚 She led an amazing life. What else can you say. She was an amazing woman. Whether you agreed or not. She was an amazing woman, who led an amazing life. I'm actually sad to hear that.

*dances on rooftop with joy* https://t.co/d1AeWRMEAG

Hi astronomer here 👋 Those are actually just dots 👍 https://t.co/IzNmbFBI0G

https://t.co/x6riFmCWbE

Maybe if you had a fucking pepper plant you were passionate about you would know what it takes to run a fucking pepper plant but you don't https://t.co/uf73HZzlxa

someone please take me to see lea michelle in funny girl

photos aren’t great i could have done him right https://t.co/bVCdsg8jWR

the working woman's Timmy Chalamet https://t.co/yDOijbya9V

this how y’all look on ecstasy https://t.co/wU6vvAnEJh

I live on 40th street, but my friend lives on 45th! Manhattan: ⬆️ Chicago: ⬇️ Philadelphia: ⬅️ Brooklyn: ↙️ Queens: 🔃♒🔀🌪️⏬🚇↩️

https://t.co/X1JUZdsu4B

joe biden is one of the presidents in US history

https://t.co/OPrDr3rseJ

everyday i wake up i feel this magnetic pull on my tongue which opens my mouth and pushes me around my living room seeking out this man’s asshole like two fluorine atoms on the electronegativity scale https://t.co/67CygeLlV6

u go to find out when you should stop quarantining and the cdc website is like "honestly im down for whatever haha no pref on my end!! what are u up for??"

Niche but she’s so good https://t.co/pkXmvWVUxd

me explaining how i'm going to move to new york with rapidly depleting savings and without a job https://t.co/n6CL4f0Zqu

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when my parents ask why the dishes haven’t been done https://t.co/XCCPd0TAAe

Today is my last day as the guy who spins Kamala Harris around 25 times before pushing her into the room for her interviews. It has been an incredible opportunity and I’m sad to leave it.

Semen retention has me drawing sacred geometry again https://t.co/n3KA3T9qKG

a marvel movie going 17 seconds without a joke https://t.co/9cePUKZJSd

her whole discography is literally like "i want to sip her like fine wine and worship her body like a temple even though god forbids it......he said"

I love how in academia you go for a two day interview, meet every faculty member, students and deans, have lunch/dinner with a few of them and then they just ghost you. You would think the least they could do is write you an email to let you know you didn't get the position.

I lied. I don’t like sex. Put your clothes back on. I’m going to explain to you the underlying lore of Stardew Valley, including the war.

Start your day by reading this incredible 1976 James Caan Playboy interview https://t.co/gyVlCO8jx9