'Fucking ineffable' sounds like someone remembering how to do self-censorship halfway through a phrase.

This is a fun explanation to prepare your kids for; it's common and totally wrong. Good lines include 'why does the air have to travel on both sides at the same time?' and 'I saw the Wright brothers plane and those wings were curved the same on the top and bottom!'

I recently had someone ask me to go get a computer and turn it on so I could restart it. He refused to move further in the script until I said I had done that.

And what about all the people who won't be able to join the community because they're terrible at making helpful and constructive co-- ... oh.

A universe that needed someone to observe it in order to collapse it into existence would be a pretty sorry universe indeed.

Guest comic by Jeph Jacques of Questionable Content, whose internal monologue hasn't been speaking to him for the past three years.

Guest comic by Zach Weiner of Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal. When I was stressed out, Zach gave me a talk that was really encouraging and somehow involved nanobots.

This also guarantees he won't be one of the ones to get a bobcat.

It's not hard when you have the same thought like 40 or 50 percent of the time.

And the baby has a fever.

In a way, all vultures are Time Vultures; some just have more patience than others.

Even if the dictionaries are starting to give in, I refuse to accept 'octopi' as a word mainly because--I'm not making this up--there's a really satisfying climactic scene in the Orson Scott Card horror novel 'Lost Boys' which hinges on it being an incorrect pluralization.

'I was pretty good at skeet shooting, but was eventually kicked off the range for catching the clay pigeons in a net and dispatching them execution-style.'

For a thousand generations we vowed never to forget how his soldiers feasted on our brother Stephen.

And no avian society ever develops space travel because it's impossible to focus on calculus when you could be outside flying.

I was going to record an album with that cover under the name "PINK FTFY", so it'd come after them on the store CD rack. But at this point music stores are just rooms where CDs are set out to age before they're thrown away, so probably nobody would see it.

Of all the nations, the armies of the ununoctium-benders are probably the least intimidating. The xenon-benders come close, but their flickery signs are at least effective for propaganda.

Each quarter of the lanes from left to right correspond loosely to breast cancer stages one through four (at diagnosis).

Later: 'Why is there a book hovering over the trash can?'