Hey, it says here that if you dream about your teeth falling out, it means they're spreading.

Man, I just wanted to know how babby was formed.

DUCKLOOP'D?

Correlation doesn't imply causation, but it does waggle its eyebrows suggestively and gesture furtively while mouthing 'look over there'.

But I've made $13.72 already today! Ow, stop throwing pennies.

I suppose that's more accurately a hare dryer.

YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

At least, with p

It's *almost* enough to make me want to redo high school.

Sweet unintersecting dreams!

My biology grad student friends tell me that different types of alcohol don't actually have different effects. I trust their expertise, not because of the 'biology' part, but because of the 'grad student'.

Except in reality crossing a stream of marshmallows would create a giant Bill Murray.

There are at least fourteen ways this could go badly (seventeen if that fork is a dangerous crossbreed.)

'And ovaries. Man, ovaries, huh?' [awkward pause] '... faithfully.'

Socrates could've saved himself a lot of trouble if he'd just brought a flashlight, tranquilizer gun, and a bunch of rescue harnesses.

That track ('Battle Without Honor or Humanity') -- like 'Ride of the Valkyries' -- improves *any* activity.

Of course, you don't wanna limit yourself to the strict forms of the meter. That could get pretty difficult.

It's like the traveling salesman problem, but the endpoints are different and you can't ask your friends for help because they're sitting three seats down.

Clearance for this Sign: 11 Feet

You can evade blue shells in Double Dash, but it is deep magic.

Out in a field, not another car for miles, silence but for the rain drumming on the sunroof, warm thick folds of the blanket hiding wordless fingertip games ...

It slowly dawns on us that our parents knew exactly what they were doing.

Man, this trick has saved me so many times.

If it's over water, and you can't get a boat or revise the rules to preserve the makeout, there is no helping you.

To anyone I've taken on a terrible date, this is retroactively my cover story.

But surely I owe you an accurate answer!

Hell if I know

Unsafe vehicles, hills, and philosophy go hand in hand.

During the week, I research my character by living in his house and raising his children.

You should start giving out 'E's so I can spell FACADE or DEFACED.