The weird sense of duty really good sysadmins have can border on the sociopathic, but it's nice to know that it stands between the forces of darkness and your cat blog's servers.

Not enough houses on your block? Just hit them at 30-year intervals from here to 2300 and get 10x the candy.

Which, at one point, led to a study showing that LSD produces no more hallucinations than a placebo.

You should start giving out 'E's so I can spell FACADE or DEFACED.

During the week, I research my character by living in his house and raising his children.

Unsafe vehicles, hills, and philosophy go hand in hand.

Hell if I know

But surely I owe you an accurate answer!

To anyone I've taken on a terrible date, this is retroactively my cover story.

If it's over water, and you can't get a boat or revise the rules to preserve the makeout, there is no helping you.

Man, this trick has saved me so many times.

It slowly dawns on us that our parents knew exactly what they were doing.

Out in a field, not another car for miles, silence but for the rain drumming on the sunroof, warm thick folds of the blanket hiding wordless fingertip games ...

You can evade blue shells in Double Dash, but it is deep magic.

Clearance for this Sign: 11 Feet

It's like the traveling salesman problem, but the endpoints are different and you can't ask your friends for help because they're sitting three seats down.

Of course, you don't wanna limit yourself to the strict forms of the meter. That could get pretty difficult.

That track ('Battle Without Honor or Humanity') -- like 'Ride of the Valkyries' -- improves *any* activity.

'And ovaries. Man, ovaries, huh?' [awkward pause] '... faithfully.'

There are at least fourteen ways this could go badly (seventeen if that fork is a dangerous crossbreed.)

Except in reality crossing a stream of marshmallows would create a giant Bill Murray.

My biology grad student friends tell me that different types of alcohol don't actually have different effects. I trust their expertise, not because of the 'biology' part, but because of the 'grad student'.

Sweet unintersecting dreams!

It's *almost* enough to make me want to redo high school.

At least, with p

YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

I suppose that's more accurately a hare dryer.

But I've made $13.72 already today! Ow, stop throwing pennies.

Correlation doesn't imply causation, but it does waggle its eyebrows suggestively and gesture furtively while mouthing 'look over there'.

DUCKLOOP'D?