'Sorry, I left out my glass of water from last night.' OH GOD I APPARENTLY LIVE IN A GARBAGE PIT.

'Look to my coming on the fifth day. At dawn, look to the east.' 'And look to the west to see our shadows!'

'Will [ ] allow us to better understand each other and thus make war undesirable?' is one that pops up whenever we invent a new communication medium.

When the results are published, no one will be sure whether to report on them again.

Shoot for the Moon. If you miss, you'll end up co-orbiting the Sun alongside Earth, living out your days alone in the void within sight of the lush, welcoming home you left behind.

INSIDE ELON MUSK'S NEW ATOMIC CAT

It'll be hilarious the first few times this happens.

It was bound to happen eventually. This data theft will enable almost limitless [xkcd.com/792]-style password reuse attacks in the coming weeks. There's only one group that comes out of this looking smart: Everyone who pirated Photoshop.

A few minutes later, the goat from behind door C drives away in the car.

The LEGO Group is already the world's largest tire manufacturer.

I asked a few friends whether they'd had this happen, then looked up the popularity of their initials/names over time. Based on those numbers, it looks like there must be at least 750,000 people in the US alone who think 'Sure, that's probably my email address' on a regular basis.

If you fund my Kickstarter ...

In a cavern deep below the Earth, Ayn Rand, Paul Ryan, Rand Paul, Ann Druyan, Paul Rudd, Alan Alda, and Duran Duran meet together in the Secret Council of /(b[plurandy]+b ?){2}/i.

As best as I can tell, I was transported here from Earth Prime sometime in the late 1990s. Your universe is identical in every way, except for the lobster thing and the thing where some of you occasionally change your clocks for some reason.

I guess it's a saying from the Old Country.

It was finally destroyed with a nuclear weapon carrying the destructive energy of the Hiroshima bomb.

To whoever typed 'why is arwen dying': GOOD. FUCKING. QUESTION.

And thus was smallpox introduced into the previously Undying Lands.

Stay warm, little flappers, and find lots of plant eggs!

What I really want is to hang out where I hung out with my friends in college, but have all my older relatives there too.

'Automating' comes from the roots 'auto-' meaning 'self-', and 'mating', meaning 'screwing'.

Protip: You can win every exchange just by being one level more precise than whoever talked last. Eventually, you'll defeat all conversational opponents and stand alone.

'It has a ghost in it. Take it back.' 'No.'

I hate when people take photos of their meal instead of eating it, because there's nothing I love more than the sound of other people chewing.

Maybe we should give up on the whole idea of a 'back' button. 'Show me that thing I was looking at a moment ago' might just be too complicated an idea for the modern web.

And it doesn't pop up a box every time asking you to use your real name. In fact, there's no way to set your name at all. You just have to keep reminding people who you are.

It's ok, they'll always let you opt out! Like they did with the YouTube real name profile thing.

I have never been lied to by data in a .txt file which has been hand-aligned.

Or that I'm at least following the curve of the Earth around to land ...

Programming the sexbots to enjoy sex seemed a sensible move at the time, but we didn't realize the consequences of their developing fetishes.